


Remember Me

by emilyhbr4



Series: Remember Me [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:43:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6888553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyhbr4/pseuds/emilyhbr4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Alex's Mom's death, he has to move in with his cousin James who is a little more than friendly with him. With the help of his friends John Laurens, Marquis de Lafayette, and Hercules Mulligan, he manages his way through abuse, hate at school, and a very confusing love life. (Warning: Death/Abuse/Rape etc)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She liked the fall."

Alex couldn’t remember the last time he saw John in a suit. He was almost always in a pair of jeans with t-shirt displaying the logo of some band Alex had never heard of. But today, November 9th, a day that had previously never had any significance, John was wearing a suit. In fact, all of his friends were wearing suits. He tugged at the collar of his own and thought that the temperature must have been rising outside, even though it was a crisp, fall afternoon. 

He stared at the grass, as he stood next to his cousin and the priest on one side of the giant hole in the ground. Basically everyone he or his mother was ever close to since they came to America was on the other side, but he didn’t look up to meet their eyes. His mother would have. She would have been a heck of a lot stronger than he was being at that moment. But, it didn’t matter. His mother was dead and he wasn’t, and Alex had to stand there and watch her be lowered into the once empty hole.

When they came to America, Alex and his mother were looking for a better life. Life was good for a while; they had struggles with money but nothing too major that they couldn’t get through together. Alex made friends quickly, his mother found a job and suddenly everything seemed infinitely hopeful. He got good grades and did everything he could to impress his loving mother who had worked so hard to get them to where they were. He got in a few fights at school, which she was never happy about, but she knew that was just who he was, a boy who fought for what he believed in. 

Then, Alex was diagnosed with cancer. Nothing too serious, but it was cancer all the same. He needed an operation, and quickly, and then it would all be over. The looming cloud over he and his mother’s head would be gone. Two weeks before the surgery, Alex’s mother was diagnosed with a much more severe cancer then Alex had obtained. The doctor said that without surgery, she would never make it and even then the chances were slim. They didn’t have a lot of money, so they couldn’t pay for two surgeries and his mom was not about to go asking people for money. She had too much pride for that. The insurance company wouldn’t help pay for two surgieries, no matter how many times Alex asked over the phone. Eventually, he tried to make his mother use the money on herself. Mine isn’t severe, he argued, and it hasn’t spread, but yours has. We can pay for mine later. Being the selfless woman that she was, his mother didn’t even think about taking the surgery from her son. She forced him to go to the hospital where he was operated on and eventually cleared. 

For months, things seemed normal. His mother had headaches every once in a while but nothing that was too difficult to handle. Eventually, Alex thought that the doctors were wrong; that his mom was a fighter and that she would pull through. Then, without any warning, her condition became worse. Instead of hanging out with his friends after school, he made daily trips to the hospital. His friends would try to accompany him, but most of the time he just wanted to be alone with his Mom. They understood and backed off, but they missed his company. When she died, Alex made no attempt to contact anyone. He constantly felt like it was his fault, like he could have done more to help, that he should have made her have the operation instead of him. The day of the funeral was the first time he had seen anyone remotely familiar in days. Laurens, Mulligan, and Lafayette sent text after text but received nothing in return. It seemed their Alex just needed some time to be alone. 

The day before the funeral was the wake, which meant Alex had to stand in line and hug sad people that he didn’t know for hours on end. He had been crying a lot, but for some reason on that day not a single tear fell. He hoped it was because he was ‘all cried out’ so to speak, but when he went home later that night and completely lost it, he knew that wasn’t true. Nothing was comfortable anymore, even his own bed, though he had trouble getting out of it in the morning. He would often wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat with a panging feeling of wanting John to be there next to him, holding him. There was nothing stopping John and Alex being together except for the prejudice and judgement of their peers and Alex’s own fears. John feared that the death of Alex’s mother would drive him even farther from him and that was the exact opposite from what he wanted. 

Alex’s cousin, James, had been staying with Alex for a few days, but they had planned to move into James’s house the day after the funeral. Alex wasn’t necessarily happy about the move because James was often cold to him; they weren’t exactly the best of friends. But, he was the only family Alex had left and by taking Alex in, that meant he wouldn’t be put into the system. For that, Alex would be forever grateful. Besides, his house smelled like his Mom. He would need to move on one day, and that couldn’t happen when every time he went home he was reminded of her. 

Lafayette was watching Alex from afar. He hadn’t looked up from staring a single blade of grass in minutes. All he wanted to do was run over to the boy and envelope him in an embrace. Instead, he squeezed Herc’s hand and watched their friend suffer. Hercules was relieved at the comfort of Lafayette’s hand. He had been waiting for him to make the first move, as he was not as forward as Laf tended to be. None of them knew Alex’s mom very well, but she was the only family he really had besides his cousin. Their little Alex had been through so much, and yet he still had to stand there and watch his mother be lowered into her own grave. It certainly wasn’t fair, but then again, when was life ever fair for their little quartet?

After the pastor finished mindlessly droning on and on about something Alex didn’t give a shit about or believe, the people around him started to clear out, making their way to their cars to head home. Alex, on the other hand, stood in the same place staring at the same blade of grass a foot away. With one look, Lafayette, John, and Herc all made a silent agreement to stick around, even when everyone else had gone. 

“You comin’ runt?” James asked, realizing that he had almost forgotten his new responsibility at the gravesite. 

When Alex didn’t respond, Lafayette quickly interjected, “I’ll take him home, James. No problem.” With a quick nod, James left the spot and soon everyone else had scattered away, leaving the four of them with some time to themselves. They stood in a line and fixed their gaze on the headstone. It read, ‘Rachel Hamilton; 1980-2014’. Alex had wanted to put more on it, but that was all they could afford. He didn’t think it did her justice. She had saved his life, after all. 

The wind picked up a bit and John grabbed Alex’s hand protectively and he didn’t even flinch. “She liked the fall,” Alex whispered, his chin angling toward the ground and his eyebrows knitted together in thought. John looked over to him, his eyes locking on Alex’s though his own were focused on the grave itself. Laf and Herc shared a small glance before focusing their attention on Alex as well. It was the first time they had heard him speak in days. 

Wanting him to continue, John questioned, “She did?” 

With quite a bit of force, Alex let go of John’s hand and ran over to a nearby tree where he grabbed a pile of leaves and brought them to the gravestone, crying out, “We didn’t have fall in Nevis. She liked the color of the leaves, the smell of the rain on the pavement in the city, and the cold bite of the air. It’s so damn cold here all the time,” Suddenly, the world was lost on him. He couldn’t bare the weight anymore, so he fell to his knees and cried into the leaves, “But she’s gone. She’s gone!” The other three teens ran over to him, allowing John to grab hold of Alex and try to bring him back to reality. 

“Shh…” John whispered, holding the boy tight. “It’s going to be okay, I’ve got you.” Alex turned to face John, his limbs shaking and eyes red from crying. He then fell deeper into John’s chest, allowing the boy to sit there and hold him as if he were a small child once more. Laf and Herc sat on the ground nearby, holding onto eachother’s hands as they watched their friend’s world fall apart. 

She’s gone, Alex kept thinking over and over. He hated that he needed to be comforted, that he was falling apart into John. But still, he couldn’t stop. He kept shaking in response to his sobs, but John held him as tight as he possibly could without hurting him. “It’s okay, Alex. It’ll all be okay.”

~

“Runt, you made it home. Thought you’d stay there forever,” James said from his chair in the family room when Alex entered the house late that night. 

“I’m going to bed,” he replied sternly, not feeling in the mood to have a long discussion with James. He started to make his way to the stairs, but James immeadiatley sprang up from his seat and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. 

“Alex, wait.” Alex shrugged him off, but James was having none of that. “Let me help you.” His hands lingered on Alex’s chest. Alex had received more help that day than he ever wanted to need in his life, so once again he shrugged his cousin off. 

“I don’t need your help. I was fine on my own before and I’ll be fine now,” Alex stated. Sure, with his mother he was never really alone, but his mom worked all the time, causing him to be more independent than most people his age. If he had it his way, he wouldn’t even be living with his cousin. He would find a way to live on his own. Unfortunately, the system wouldn’t allow for it and Alex was not about to go live in some random foster home. 

His mother hated when he was curt to her like he just was to James. But, unlike James did on that day, his Mom would never have hit him. As soon as Alex argued with him, James took a nice swing at Alex’s face. Immediately, Alex crumpled into himself and held onto his sore cheek. Completely dumbstruck, Alex said nothing but let out a loud cry. “I suggest you don’t talk back,” James growled into his ear. 

In a moment, Alex gained the courage to stand up straight but did not dare look the man in the eye. He would have tried to fight back, but he was in no mental state to do so. Besides, his mother hated whe he fought and on the day of her funeral seemed like the worst possible day to do so. He wanted John. 

“Alex, do you want to stay down here and hang out for awhile?” James then asked in the most sugary sweet voice Alex had ever heard. It fooled Alex into thinking that his smack in the face had been a one-time thing.

Alex began to shake his head. “I’m really tired, I think I’m going to-” Alex was cut off by a quick jab to the eye. This time, Alex lost his balance and stepped backward, falling completely on his ass. His face was throbbing as he curled up in pain. He had never felt that much physical pain in his life. 

“I also suggest you do what I say, little runt. We’re going to have lots of fun.”

~

The next morning, Alex made the decision to go to school. As he stared at his reflection in the mirror, a million thoughts ran through his mind. His black eye was incredibly noticeable and he knew that his friends would be asking questions that he didn’t have an answer for. He wasn’t about to tell them the truth. If he told anyone the truth, child protective services would get involved and he would be moved into a foster home. Every kid that he knew that went through the system came out even more screwed up than before. 

Alex shook the thoughts from his brain. He wouldn’t be put into a home; he wouldn’t let that happen. Realizing that he had no concievable way of covering up the marks on his eye, Alex decided to just tell his friends he got hit in the face with a door and leave it at that. He tried to tell himself it didn’t hurt that much, but yet when he pulled his sweatshirt he still flinched at the fabric grazing his skin. With every flash of pain he could see James’s face, and that hell hurt more than the actual pain ever would. Alex shut his eyes, trying to push the images away. He tried to do a stupid breathing technique to calm himself down that Laf had taught him a while ago, but he knew that he deserved the pain that James inflicted on him. The breathing didn’t make it hurt any less. Alex was a messed up kid, and he knew he deserved every punch. Screwed up kids didn’t get kissed, they got kicked, and Alex thought he was more screwed up than anyone he had ever met. 

As if on cue, Alex’s phone buzzed in his pocket with a text from John Laurens. He smiled as he read the words, I miss you, and I can’t wait to see you today. John knew that the little piece of courage he sent Alex’s way would hopefully be enough to drive Alex out of bed. As always, John was right. After reading the message, Alex was out the door with his backpack slung over his shoulder being careful as to not be too loud and wake up James. He already had to explain one black eye and certainly was not prepared to explain two. As he walked along the sidewalk on the way to school, he tried not to notice the color of the leaves or the crispness of the air. When he was on school grounds, he tried not to notice the stares from the kids around him or the sad, empathatic glances they were all throwing at him. When he was finally in front of his friends, he tried not to notice the piercing blue of John’s eyes, but that morning it was all that he could let himself fall into. 

“Oh, mon petit lion, thank goodness you’re back. Jefferson has completely taken over the council with you absent and Angelica out sick. We need you mon ami,” Laf rambled. After taking a breath and a good look at Alex he asked, “Little Alex, what happened to your face?” 

“Slow down, Laf, give the boy some room,” Herc laughed. “But yeah, Alex, what’d you do to your eye?” 

“A door hit me, that’s all,” Alex muttered, shuffling his hands. John shot him a concerned look of disbelief. Alex chose to ignore him. “So what’d I miss while I was gone?” He asked, quickly trying to change the subject. It was clear that John was going to speak with him about the eye again later, though. 

Laf gave Herc a quick glance, and Herc nodded. They had always been able to have silent conversations and it annoyed the crap out of he and John. “Laf and I are together now. Sorry, we couldn’t wait until you got back to make it official,” Herc beamed. 

John nudged Alex and smirked at him. “See? We knew it would happen eventually. They’ve been as happy as can be ever since. But, it’s given them a reason to act more and more like my parents. I’m sure they’ll do it to you too.”

“And a reason for the whole school to hate us even more!” Lafayette joked. “Ah, but who cares!” He then dramatically placed a huge kiss onto Herc’s cheek, who just continued to smile widely. Laf wasn’t joking whatsoever when he said that the school hated their little group. They weren’t ‘normal’ like everyone else and their schoolmates tended to rip apart those who weren’t ‘normal’. The Schuyler sisters were the only ones who were ever all that kind to them even though one of them was dating the biggest bully in the school, but it didn’t really matter because they had each other and that was all they needed anyway. 

“Queer!” A voice called out from behind the boys. “Oh, and a shiner! Damn Hamilton, you really know how to clean up!” The voice came from none other than Sam Seabury, who John physically had to hold Alex back from fighting on a daily basis. “Don’t step too close to me, the gay might rub off and I’m not willing to catch the sickeness that you’ve got.” 

“Crios-me, I do not want to step any closer to you, Seabury,” Laf rebounded. Seabury had a confused look on his face. He wasn’t exactly the brightest of the bunch, Alex noted. It didn’t matter that his mother had just died; Seabury was always ready to attack Alex or any of his friends. 

“I suggest you step away from us, Sam,” John said with an edge to his voice. 

Alex placed a hand on John’s shoulder and quietly said, “John, not today.” John took a step back from the shocked group of boys in front of them, led by Seabury.  
“What’s the matter Hamilton? Have you gone soft? Or did whoever got a good punch to your face knock some sense into you?” Seabury rebutted. John still stood back, but grabbed a hold of Alex’s so that he wouldn’t do anything rash. For some reason Alex didn’t want John to be physical that day, so John held himself back. Seabury took even more delight at the fact the boys weren’t responding and were holding one another’s hand. “Oh it is a sickness! It spread from the stupid french kid and his boyfriend to these two idiots!” 

John’s face turned an embarrassing shade of red as he let go of Alex’s hand. John was out and proud, but Alex had never made any real comments about his sexuality. He should have known better than to make a move in front of the worst bigots in the whole school. Alex wasn’t embarrassed, however, he was just angry. He didn’t understand how someone could be so hateful towards John. He didn’t deserve any of this. He tried to push down his bubbling anger, but when it got like this, Alex knew it would only be a second before he exploded. 

“I suggest you watch your mouth,” Alex grumbled, looking to the floor. He wanted to wipe that smug smile off of Seabury’s face. 

“Fag-”

One syllable was all Alex needed to berserk. He took a good swing at Seabury’s face, who then staggered back a bit but quickly was able to regain his balance. Not expecting a quick response, Alex was not at all prepared when Seabury swung right back where it really hurt, on the side of Alex’s face that had already been hit. Immeadiately, Alex fell to the ground and became unconcious due to the pain. John rushed to his side while Herc and Laf dealt with Seabury. 

“Haven’t you done enough Seabury?” Herc yelled. “His mother died last week! Can’t you just leave us alone for once?” Seabury grimaced, then spat in their general direction before walking off with his goons. 

“Au Revior!” Laf sarcastically said giving the boys a little goodbye wave. Then, everyone’s attention was on Alex. Even though John kept stroking his face and calling out his name, it was clear that Alex was completely knocked out. John’s eyes were incredibly frantic, he was so scared for his friend. 

“He must have been in so much pain before if one hit could knock him out like this,” John said, completely exasperated while still hovering over Alex’s body.  
Hercules, realizing that somebody needed to take control of the situation, stated, “We’ve gotta get him to the nurse. Laf, why don’t you carry him?” Laf nodded and went over to him, but John placed out a hand to stop him from coming closer to the boy lying on the floor. 

“No, I’ve got him. I’ve always got him,” John said protectively. He then picked the boy up bridal style and walked him to the nurse’s office. Alex was incredibly small, so carrying him was no problem. In fact, it almost seemed easier to carry him that day, like he was losing weight. For a split second, John was worried that Alex hadn’t been eating. He made a mental note to address that when he was feeling better. Herc stood in front of them, clearing the hallway of students because it was obvious that John wasn’t watching where he was going, he was watching Alexander. 

By the time they reached the nurse’s office, Alex was still unconcious. She motioned for John to place Alex down on one of the beds, but he was very apprehensive to do so. At the nurse’s demand, he finally let him go. “Mon petit lion here already had a black eye and then was hit again on the same eye by a boy in the school yard,” Laf explained. 

“He’s in so much pain, you gotta do something!” John moaned. He was crouching by Alex’s side with his hand in his, waiting for some sort of response. 

The nurse went over to the mini fridge and reached for an ice pack. Placing it on Alex’s eye, she explained, “Other than this, there’s not much I can do. He’ll wake up in a minute. Pain has a different effect on everyone.” Then, she allowed the four boys to be alone while she tended to some paperwork in her office. This was not the first time she had had to deal with Alexander Hamilton and his crew. Herc gave the nurse a nod and a silent thank you. 

Suddenly, Alex began to murmur a few inaudible words. John’s face completely lit up. After a moment, they could finally make out what he was saying. “John, John, it hurts.” 

“I’m right here, Alex, I’m right here,” John whispered. At the sound of John’s voice, Alex’s eyes fluttered but then he immeadiately cried out in pain at the movement of his injured eye. 

“Little Alex, don’t try to open your left eye. It will only make it hurt more. John, keep the ice on it, oui?” Laf ordered with a strange bit of urgency that you wouldn’t expect from the French boy. Laf was known to be flamboyant and sort of a free agent. He wasn’t exactly the ‘take charge’ type; he had Herc to do that for him. But, with John a total mess and Alex basically unconcious, it was clear they needed two sane minds in the room and Laf was not afraid to be in control if he had Herc by his side. 

John held the ice to Alex’s face as gently as possible. “Can you sit up?” He questioned, coaxing Alex with the sweetness of his words and voice. Alex gave John a slow  
nod with his eyes still closed and carefully put himself to the seated position. Then, he ventured into opening his uninjured eye and holding the ice pack for himself.

Hearing that Alex was awake, the nurse came back into the room, looked Alex up and down and offered, “I suggest you go home Alex. Too much movement and you might pass out again.” 

Alex’s eyes widened out of fear. “No! I mean, uh, no I can’t go home. My cousin isn’t home and he doesn’t like it when I’m there alone.” Laf, Herc, and John all looked at each other with confused faces. This was the first they had heard of James’s supposed rules. 

“You know, I feel like I’m starting to come down with something. What about you Herc?” Laf said, letting out a weak cough. Hercules realized what he was doing and then immediately did the same, kicking John to do so also. 

Almost in unison, the two boys weakly said, “Yeah, me too.” The nurse raised an eyebrow, but then decided to let it slide. She knew about Alex’s mother, and it was clear the boys were just trying to be there for him. 

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to send you all home then.” Alex smiled.

“We’ll take him to my house, he can rest there. Thank you so much,” John said. The nurse gave them a little wave before they all made ther way out of the building to Herc’s car. Laf took his rightful place next to Hercules, who was in the driver’s seat, while John sat next to Alex in the back in order to keep an eye on him. Alex seemed to be perking up, especially because John refused to let him fall back asleep. Alex was just happy to be safe and with his friends. For the first time in weeks, he didn’t feel as if he was close to tears. John was right beside him, like he was supposed to be.


	2. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alexander, wait..."

When they arrived at John’s house, his parents weren’t home so they all settled into the living room without a care in the world or the obligation to explain their absence from school. John was hovering around Alex, constantly checking to make sure he didn’t need water or blankets or anything. Alex kept on telling him that he was fine, but John just couldn’t help himself. Eventually, Alex was able to switch the topic. 

“So what’s going on with The Council? You said something about Jefferson being an asshole?” Alex asked, reclining on the couch like John insisted with an ice pack placed on his eye. The Council was the name of the school paper that he and his friends wrote for together. Angelica was President of the club while Jefferson was Vice President, but Alex was usually able keep Thomas’s opinions in check with his position of treasurer.

“He’s trying to cancel my column! He says fashion advice is not needed in a school paper and that the kids don’t need to know ‘what’s in’. Mon dieu,” Lafayette responded, completely frantic. 

“Laf, there’s no need to worry. I know how to handle Jefferson, especially with Angelica by my side,” Alex boasted. He was quite proud of the amount of power he had at the paper; it was the one thing he was actually good at. 

“Yeah, Alex, you can’t even go a single meeting without getting in Jefferson’s face. This will just be your next subject of debate,” Hercules chuckled. Alex rolled his eyes, but knew there was truth to his words. They talked for a while about this and that, but eventually, Alex brought up something he had been dying to know. 

“Is Eliza still dating that dick Seabury?” Alex asked tentitavely. John narrowed his eyes and looked down at his hands. He hated when Alex brought up Eliza, it was clear he adored her. He always thought that if Alex was too afraid to date him, then he would go straight to Eliza to cover up the fact that he wasn’t, well, straight. Alex knew the topic was sensitive, but he needed to know. Seabury was such an asshole and he didn’t understand why someone like Eliza would be dating someone like him. Some people said that Eliza was in an arranged relationship set up by her father, but her sisters never spoke about it. Nobody knew exactly what was true. Alex didn’t feel the way about Eliza that he felt about John. But, that didn’t change the fact that he cared about her. 

Hercules gave John a sideways glance and then answered, “Yeah, she is, but things have been rocky between them lately.”

“Rocky?” Alex pushed. 

“Yeah, they’ve been fighting in public a lot more,” Hercules continued. Alex knew to leave it at that because that was all he really needed to know. He would hear the rest from Eliza later, he was sure. But, it didn’t matter that Alex stopped pushing, because at that exact moment, John’s mom walked in the door, stopping the conversation all together.

“Boys! Look at this! The Revolutionary Crew all back together!” She said, placing her keys on the counter. “It’s always a pleasure to see you all, but what are you doing home? John, it’s the middle of the day.” 

“Hi Martha,” John said, walking over to her and kissing her on the cheek. The Washington’s were John’s adopted parents. He didn’t like speaking of it, but when John was twelve years old he was put in the system for all of one day after being taken away by child protective services due to his father’s drinking habits. He became violent and neglected his son’s needs on a daily basis, which led to the school finding out and John being forced from his home. The Washingtons, who were originally family friends of the Laurens’s, immediately took John in and adopted him. He usually called them his parents but was too uncomfortable to call them ‘mom and dad’. They respected that, especially because John’s mom died when he was young and was incredibly sensitive about it. The Washingtons were the most accepting people he had ever met; he almost wished he could have lived with them, but he knew that they were what was best for John. “Alex got into a little, um, altercation at school and we were tending to his needs. He didn’t want to go home.” 

Martha looked over to Alex and saw the bruise on the edges of the ice pack covering his face and the bit of blood on his lip. “Oh Alex, dear, again?” Alex sheepishly nodded. “Well, I’ll leave you boys alone. You’re all welcome to stay for dinner, I’m sure George would love to see you.” 

The boys thanked her and then she made her way up stairs to give them some space. They began to chat about this and that, laughing at eachother’s stupidity and just enjoying one another’s company. Alex noted that it felt good to laugh again. He never wanted to leave. 

Eventually, George walked through the door, brief case in hand. “Good evening gentlemen,” he said, greeting them. 

“Oh shit!” Alex proclaimed, springing up from his seat next to John on the couch. 

“Alex…” George warned. He was not a fan of swear words being spoken in his household. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Washington- I just lost track of time. I’ve gotta get home,” Alex stammered, frantically picking up his book bag and checking his watch. 

“But, Alex,” John said, standing up along with him. “It’s only five thirty. You never leave this early.” 

“Yeah well, things are different now,” Alex said sharply. Herc and Laf stared at the two, completely dumbfounded. Alex was almost never curt with John; he was his one exception. 

“Can I walk you home?” John asked carefully, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “That is, if the rest of you don’t mind.” Washington held up his hands as if to say ‘it’s not up to me’, and the other two boys nodded their heads fervently. They wanted the tension between their friends to subside.

“Okay,” Alex said hesitantly, “But we’ve got to be quick.” John watched as his hands shook as he put on his jacket and helped him put on the second arm. With that, Alex was out the door and John did the same, giving the rest of the gang a worried a look before closing the door behind him.

Alex was briskly walking with his hands shoved in his pockets instead of wrapped around John’s. John struggled to keep up with him, matching Alex’s body language. “Alexander,” John whispered, his breath forming a visible air cloud in front of him. “Why are you afraid to go home?” 

“I’m not afraid to go home. James has rules that I need to follow, that’s all,” Alex grumbled. 

Due to the tone of Alex’s voice, John didn’t believe him. “Alexander,” he pushed. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it, but John decided that his safety was more important than how comfortable he was. 

“It’s nothing!” Alex snapped. The hurt look on John’s face drew him out of his trance of thinking about what James would be like when he got home. “I’m sorry. It’s really nothing so please don’t worry. It’s just been a little tense at home with everything that’s been happening. I’ve stepped out of line a few times, but it’ll get better.” John nodded and instinctively grabbed Alex’s hand. They walked in silence for a few moments, but when they reached Alex’s apartment, he paused by the door with a look of apprehension on his face. “I should go.” John squeezed his hand, and when Alex started to walk away, he still didn’t let go. 

“Alexander, wait…” John said. Alex loved the way John said his name. He was the only one that Alex let call ‘Alexander’ on a regular basis. Whenever anyone else said it, he wanted to punch him or her in the face. He never wanted to punch John in the face: it was odd.

John pulled Alex closer to him and firmly pressed his lips against his own. “Good luck,” he whispered. A smile crept onto Alex’s face.

“I missed that.” 

“Me too.” With that, Alex stole away into the apartment, leaving John standing on the sidewalk, completely helpless. 

~

“You’re late.” James’s voice boomed throughout the entire apartment, causing Alex to shudder as he quietly shut the door behind him. He took his time taking off his backpack and walking into the living room, where James was waiting in his chair watching television. “Where have you been?” He asked when Alex didn’t respond. 

“At my friend’s, I’m sorry I’m late, it won’t happen again,” Alexander stammered, looking at his feet. 

“Damn right it won’t,” James said as he rose from his chair. Alexander could tell by the look on his face that the next few moments would not be particularly pleasant. His hands would not stop shaking in anticipation. “Alexander, I’m only doing this so you’ll learn. You need to be taught what is right from wrong.” Alex nodded; he knew James was right. James had told him the rules and he had immediately broken one. He knew that he was going to get what he deserved. Still, he hated the sound of his name on James’s lips. He had the audacity to call him Alexander. It sounded so much better when John said it.

Alex didn’t have the chance to brace himself before he was slapped across the face.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. A tear fell down his cheek and he immediately felt the disapproving stare from James.

“Oh runt, it’s okay. You’re learning. Your damned mother never taught you a thing,” James responded in a comforting way. But, Alexander missed the comfort and was instead focused on the foul words coming from his cousin’s mouth about his mother. He wasn’t exactly known for being able to control his temper.

“Don’t you dare talk about my mother like that!”Alexander screamed, throwing James against the wall. Realizing his mistake, he quickly backed off and became wide eyed in fear.

James lunged at him and wrapped his fingers around his throat. Alex’s breathing was immediately constricted as he struggled for even a few gasps of air. 

“I will speak however I like,” James growled. “You live under my roof, you follow my rules, and you do what I say when I say it. Do you hear me, runt?” Alex nodded the best he could and in response James let go of his neck and let him fall to the floor. As Alex knelt on the ground, he clutched his neck and chest as he did his best to take deep breaths. 

James didn’t seem to be the least bit worried about the boy as he took his seat again in front of the TV. Alex was so happy only moments ago with John and now here he was limping up the stairs focusing on the stop step as to not pass out. For a moment he allowed himself to wonder how he ever got into his situation, but then quickly reminded himself that it was his fault and that he had disobeyed the rules, which caused James to lash out. If he could only be good, he told himself, and then James would stop. He just had to learn to be good. 

~

The second morning in a row, Alex was staring at himself in the mirror before school wondering how he could cover up the bruises that were incredibly visible on his neck. He could explain the eye, but finger print bruises lacing his neck would be a little bit more difficult. They almost looked like hickeys- god he hoped John didn’t think they were hickeys. Having only minutes untile he needed to get to school, he quickly pulled out a brown scarf from the bottom of his drawer and wrapped it around his neck. His mom had bought it for him a couple years ago for Christmas, but he had never worn it. She called it an ‘artist’s scarf’, saying that all the best artists wore scarves and Alex was the best artist she knew. Alex knew that it wasn’t quite his style, but he kept it anyway so he wouldn’t upset his mom. But, anything was better than showing his bruises off to the world. Two sets of suspicious bruises in two days would surely set off his friends. 

The school day was uneventful. Before class, the boys had snickered at Alexander’s scarf a bit, but he waved them off. Alex was just happy no one questioned the spontaniety of it all. His actual classes were incredibly boring. Yes, he had missed a lot of school the past few weeks, but he tended to be ahead in most of his classes so his absence didn’t really matter in that regard. Where it did count was The Council. As Lafayette had reported, Thomas was crapping all over it. Luckily, both he and Angelica were back and they were going to fix it. 

“I’m calling this meeting to order. It’s time for weekly assignments everyone, take a seat,” Angelica stated, sitting in front of her plaque that said ‘Angelica Schuyler- President’. They all had one, though most of them just said ‘columnist’. Alex really liked his, his label of treasurer was something he had achieved all on his own and he was really proud of it. “Okay let’s get right to it. Jefferson and Hamilton- you’re on pro/con this week with the topic of our school’s strict dress code. Jefferson you’re pro, Hamilton you’re con. Got it?” 

Thomas tapped his pen on the desk, looking incredibly disinterested. Peggy, Angelica’s sister and newest freshman columnist, let out a little snicker in the corner. “You’re going to let two boys write that article?”

“I trust they’ll do their research and be objective,” Angelica explained, giving Alex a knowing glance. Alex wasn’t always exactly known for being objective in his articles. “Hercules, you’re covering the football sectionals, Eliza, you’re reviewing the fall play that’s opening this weekend.” Both Hercules and Eliza beamed ear to ear, those things were right up their alley. “The rest of you are on your own, go find a story and make it good. I’m not putting any shitty stories in my newspaper.” 

“Angelica, if you don’t mind darling, we have a discussion we need to continue from when you were gone. Do you mind if I take over?” He asked in his annoying southern drawl. Lafayette leaned back in his chair and folded his arms.

“The floor’s all yours, Thomas,” Angelica replied.

“It’s Lafayette’s fashion column. It’s a waste of space, especially with the election going on. We should be reporting on more important things!” Thomas proclaimed, standing in the center of their circle of desks.

“Now hold on a minute,” Alex said, springing up from his seat and getting into Thomas’s face. “What gives you the right to try to take away Laf’s column? He’s got just as much worth at this paper as you do.”

“This is not about Lafayette’s worth, Alex, it’s about the validity of the column. There is no need for fashion advice and trends in a school newspaper,” Thomas said calmly but with an argumentative tone.

“Laf’s column brings out something the rest of our paper lacks- color. He’s got a diversified way of writing that differs from the rest of the columns we have, and I know for a fact some of the people in this school would rather read about fashion trends than the latest election news,” Alex shot back. 

“Angelica?” Thomas asked, looking for a final decision. They had both said their piece, and although it was not listed in her job description, Angelica was known for having the final say in arguments between Jefferson and Hamilton. She wasn’t really a fan of either of them, so she was usually pretty subjective.

“Sorry Thomas, I’ve gotta go with Alex here. I know a lot of people that look forward to Lafayette’s column, including me by the way. I would suggest that you don’t let your personal vendettas get in the way of the best interest of the paper,” Angelica decided. Then, with a smack of her hand on the table, she announced, “Meeting ajourned. Get to work everyone.” 

There was a bit of mulling around by the rest of the columnists, but the cheering from Lafayette as he ran to hug Alex over shadowed everything. “Alex! Thank you mon ami!” He placed a big, wet kiss onto Alex’s cheek who then laughed and quickly wiped it off. 

“It was no problem Lafayette. Anything for you,” Alex replied. 

“You did great, Alex. You put Thomas in his place,” John said, congratulating him and slinging his arm around Alex’s shoulder. Luckily Thomas had already left the room, so no one was lunging at John with certain ferociousness. But, when Seabury entered the room to pick up Eliza, all feelings of safety escaped. 

“Hamilton,” he said, sauntering over to them. “What’s with the scarf? It’s a little prententious, don’t you think?” 

“It’s cold,” Alex stated as he tried not to draw attention to the scene. 

“It’s gay,” Sam shot back. Hearing Sam’s comment, Eliza strolled over to him and grabbed him by the arm and started to try to pull him way. 

“Please Sam, not today,” She begged. Eliza was sympathetic to Alex’s situation. Her mother had died when she was very young and hated that Sam relentlessly picked on him. Still, she couldn’t leave him, so she had to make do with what she was given.

“Give me a minute, sweetheart, I’m helping out our friend Alex here with his fashion choices,” he with an edge to his fake, sugary, sweet voice. Then, with a quick motion, he ripped the scarf from Alex’s neck and threw it in the trash before grabbing ‘his girl’ by the arm and dragging her out the door. 

Alex tried to cover up the bruises, but it was too late, John, Hercules, and Lafayette had already seen. Alex flinched when John’s fingers tenderly brushed his neck. “Alex, you have more bruises. You were trying to hide them,” John whispered. 

“Not here,” Alex whispered back. Without a word, the Revolutionary Crew was out the door. 

~

The car ride to Lafayette’s house was completely silent. They would have gone to John’s, but it was clear Alex didn’t want to be questioned by the Washington’s because he didn’t even want to be questioned by his own friends. John sat next to Alex, discretly staring at his bruises while he just stared at his hands. 

When they got to Laf’s house, Hercules was the one to address the elephant in the room. “What’s up with the bruises, Alex? You definitely didn’t run into a door this time.”

Alex tried to respond, but his jaw seemed to be stitched shut. “Mon petit lion, we need to know who did this to you.” Alex squeezed his eyes shut. That’s exactly what he was afraid of. 

“Alex…” John whispered, trailing off. One look into John’s eyes and Alex was gone. He knew he needed to tell them, and the encouragement from John made it better but only slightly. 

“You have to promise not to tell anyone,” Alex muttered, continuing to stare at his hands. John, Laf, and Herc glanced at one another. They all knew they couldn’t promise that. 

Hercules, being the calm and collected one of the group, stated what they were all thinking, “Alex, if someone is hurting you, we can’t promise that we’re going to keep quiet.” 

“Promise!” Alex yelled, his eyes suddenly become frantic and scared. 

“Fine, we promise,” John cut in. Hercules and Lafayette looked concerned, but they needed to know what was going on if they wanted to help Alex at all. 

Alex took a deep breath before he admitted what he was afraid to admit. It was his entire fault anyway. “James hit me two days ago and wrapped his hand around my neck yesterday. I caused it though; I mouthed off and disobeyed his rules. He had every right to do what he did.” Echoing silence filled the room.

“Alex, that’s not safe, we’ve got to get you out of there!” John rambled, grabbing Alex’s hand. 

Hercules and Laf nodded in agreement as Laf said, “Oh, little Alex…”

“No! If I leave they’ll put me in the system. That can’t happen! It’s not going to work out for me like it did for you John! James is the only family I have left. I’ll learn to follow his rules and he’ll stop,” Alex responded, tears welling up in his eyes. “Please don’t tell anyone, please!”

Seeing how scared Alex was, John pulled him into himself and allowed him to cry softly into his chest. “Okay, Alex. Shh… it’s okay.” The boys all stared at Alex as John ran his hands through his hair. Their friend was going through the unimaginable, and it seemed there was nothing they could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... yep. that just happened. sorry about that. I'll try to get in some more lams fluff because there's been like zero and they deserve better. details on the eliza/seabury relationship to come!  
> thanks to everyone who's reading! I'll try to update as often as I can, but these are way longer chapters than I'm used to writing :) I hope you like it- your comments give me life so please please please comment! Love you all <3


	3. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maybe this would fix him."

For a while, things slowed down. Alex was incredibly careful and did anything he could to stay on James’s good side and it worked. Sometimes there would be new bruises, but in general they were better and Alex had gotten used to them. He knew when they were coming, he knew when he was misbehaving, and he just needed to work on his attitude. At least, that’s what James said. 

One day, Herc and Laf decided they needed a date night with just the two of them. Usually they hung out with both Alex and John when they were together, and they felt that they just needed some alone time, which was totally justified. So, after their meeting with The Council, the foursome split ways, and Alex and John were along for once in a really long time. 

It was a nice day out, high forties instead of low twenties in temperature, so they decided to take a walk to a little park by Alex’s house where he could quickly run home if called by James. They made awkward small talk when it was clear there was something heavier between them. 

Carefully, John approached the subject. “Alex, what are we doing?”

Confused, Alex responded, “We’re sitting on a park bench, watching those ducks over there.” 

“C’mon, you know what I meant,” John responded, exasperated. Alex looked at his hands as John stared at him with such care and meaningful intent. John had been out and proud for a while, as well as the rest of their little group. Alex, on the other hand, wasn’t. He knew that he had feelings for John, but he felt like if he admitted it out loud, the world think he was even more screwed up than he already was. He wanted to be with John, he wanted to feel his lips on his but yet at the same time he was terrified about what that might bring. He knew John wanted more and he knew he didn’t deserve John. There were so many things he knew; yet there he was, not knowing what would come next. 

“I don’t know what we’re doing,” Alex whispered. He hated not being in control. John sat there as the silence filled the air like a thick fog. He didn’t want to push Alex, but there needed to be something more between them than a heavy romantic and slightly sexual tension. He knew it was a bit soon to be labeled as being in a relationship like Laf and Herc; he didn’t want Alex to be uncomfortable. 

Hoping to at least drag something out of him, John placed a light kiss on his lips, knowing that his kiss would say more than any combination of words he could come up with. Alex was the one who had a way with words, not him.

“I love you, John,” Alex whispered, his eyes still closed from the lingering kiss. John felt a small smile creep onto his lips but it quickly went away. He didn’t want to start a fight, but he knew there were things he needed to say that wouldn’t go away if he didn’t say them soon. 

“Then why don’t you ever say it?” Alex’s smile immediately turned into a frown. Everyone always questioned him, and now John was doing it too. Alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“John,” he whispered, shocked. “I don’t understand.”

“I want to be with you, Alexander,” John pleaded. 

“John, we’ve talked about this. I don’t want to drag you into my life, I don’t want you to feel obligated…”

“But Alex, I don’t feel obligated! I want to be with you. I love you.” In response, Alex’s wandering eyes finally locked with John’s as he dove in for another kiss. 

Eventually, Alex was the one who pulled away. “Are we really doing this?” He asked with worried, wandering eyes. 

John smirked, grabbed Alex’s hand and said, “Yeah, I think we are.” For a moment, there was a connection between the two of them that was unmistakable. It wasn’t often that the both of them were happy at the same time. They fed of one another’s energy whether it was good or bad. It’s like they were one person sometimes, fighting the world while fighting to be together. 

Alex accidentally glanced at his watch and almost screamed when he saw the numbers blinking back at him; 5:27. He had to be home in three minutes, or James was going to kill him. He might have not screamed, but he did yell pretty fucking loud. “Shit! I’ve gotta go!” 

Surprised at Alex’s actions, John checked his watch and started running alongside him, but then grabbed hus hand and quickened their pace when he realized how late Alex might be. He knew not to stop him, even though he wanted to be with him longer. James was an asshole. If Alex was even a minute late into the house, things could go from bad to worse, if that was even possible. He wanted to keep him there with him, and hold him, kiss him, and tell him everything would be okay. He wanted- no, he needed- to help his boyfriend. His boyfriend! But he couldn’t; he had to stand by and watch in order to fall in line with Alex’s wishes. 

With John dragging him along by the hand, the two managed to make it back to the house when the watch was blinking 5:29. Alex always thought John should have run track or something. He almost ran into the house without saying goodbye, but John pulled him back into a long, meaningful kiss before watching him go. With one last glance, he was through the door, leaving John behind knowing that tomorrow his boyfriend would be there waiting for him. 

Tentitively Alex stepped through the doorway where he saw James standing by the window with his clasped behind his back. When he talked, he didn’t look at Alex, he just kept staring out that goddamned window. “You just made it,” he said with a blank expression on his face. 

“Yeah I guess I cut it a little close,” Alex said with a nervous chuckle. 

“I saw you out there with your friend.” Alex drew in a breath. “Although you two don’t seem to be just friends.” The bite at the end of James’s voice made Alex so nervous, his hands began to shake. 

“I-I didn’t know you were watching,” Alex stuttered. He didn’t know what else to say. James had seen them kissing. He could feel every little bit of praise for good behavior he had worked for going down the drain, all because of one stupid kiss in his driveway. He had just been learning to stay out of trouble. 

“No shit,” James spat. “So you into boys, runt?”

“Um, I don’t know. I guess,” Alex murmured. He thought about how he was really into girls and guys, most likely, but he didn’t want to dig a bigger hole for himself. Plus, he was not about to explain bisexuality to his close-minded, idiot cousin. 

Finally, James turned around and looked the boy straight in the eye. Suddenly, Alex couldn’t breathe. The fact that James still had a calm, unreadable expression terrified him. “You make him happy?”

Alex had to think about his answer, because he truly didn’t know. He assumed he made John happy. He hoped he made John happy. So, his answer became, “I guess.” 

“Why can’t you make me happy, Alex?” He breathed, taking a step closer to Alex, who was basically pinned against the wall by the door. 

“What?” Alex questioned. The wild look that appeared in James’s eye made him look to the ground out of fear and shame. Once again, he took a step toward him. 

“Fuck me, Alex,” he whispered, stepping so close to him that Alex barely had any room to breathe.

“What?” Alex asked again, his mouth parted in pure shock. 

James placed a hand on his neck and leaned into his ear, “Fuck me.”

~

The next morning, Alex woke up in an unfamiliar bed and in an unfamiliar room. He was alone, but the sheets next to him were undone. His few moments of innocent bliss were gone almost as soon as he opened his eyes. His memory flooded in and he wished he could be asleep again or forget what happened- what he did- last night. Slowly, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, noticing for the first time that he was undressed completely. He felt strangely sore, though he imagined that’s how most people felt after they did what he had done. 

He also felt guilty, like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. He didn’t ever deserve John, but he sure as hell didn’t now. His first time wasn’t with him- it was with James and now he felt mortified and dirty. He didn’t even like it, maybe because he didn’t want to do it in the first place.

As he got dressed, he stared at himself in the mirror and didn’t like what he saw. The bruises on his face and neck were fading, but there were new marks on his body. Two deep purple marks laced his neck while three ran up and down his side. When he realized they didn’t hurt, he knew that they weren’t bruises. For claiming to hate Alex, James sure did seem to like the taste of every piece of him. How would he ever explain them to John? He certainly wasn’t about to tell him about what James did to him because then John would insist on going to the Washington’s and taking him out of his home. Neither option seemed very good, but he would take a family member taking advantage of him over a stranger’s apartment any day. 

Alex put on his clothes from yesterday and then quietly made his way into his own room. He couldn’t cover the marks with a scarf this time because that would be too obvious. If his mom was still alive, he might have taken some of her makeup, but she wasn’t. If she were, he probably wouldn’t have any marks to cover. He didn’t want it to have to come to this, but he needed some help and that help couldn’t come from John, Laf, or Herc. He needed to text Eliza. 

Alex: Hey ‘liza, you up?

Eliza: Yeah, I’m up! What’s up Alex? Haven’t heard from you in awhile.

Her texts were always so proper. She sent them like they were little emails. 

Alex: Sorry about that. Could you do me a favor?

Eliza: Of course! Anything!

Alex: I need some foundation or cover-up or something like that. But you can’t ask why, ok?

Eliza: Alex…

Alex: Eliza, please.

Eliza: Okay, but I don’t like it. 

Alex: Meet me in the courtyard in fifteen. And don’t bring Seabury.

Eliza: Wouldn’t dream of it. 

Alex sighed, thank god for Eliza. She was so sweet and kind and her boyfriend was a fucking dick and she knew it. As a preventative measure, he popped up is collar so the marks weren’t in broad daylight. Then, he grabbed his bag and carefully went down stairs, hoping that James wouldn’t be there waiting for him. 

Thankfully, he wasn’t. But, there was a note left for him on the counter. “Alex- Curfew up to 6:30 tonight. Don’t be late. –James.” Alex stood there with the scrap of paper in his hand, shocked at what he just read. 

This meant that James was happy because of what Alex did to him last night. Alex was digusted and ashamed, but if it meant improving his home life, maybe he could let James do whatever he wanted to him without question or struggle. He just had to keep making James happy and then all of his problems would go away. Maybe this would fix him. 

He stuffed the note in his pocket and began his cold, brisk walk to the school. It was getting colder by the day because it was nearly Christmas. His mom loved Christmas. She always insisted on showering him with gifts that were too expensive for their budget. She said he deserved everything, but she was wrong, he deserved nothing, especially after he let her die. 

When he got to the school, Eliza was already standing in the center of the courtyard with her hands in her pockets of her magenta pea coat. She waved him over as if she was impossible to spot in a crowd with her eyes as wide and bright as a deer’s. 

“Alex!” She exclaimed with a grin on her face. “I’ve got the-” 

He cut her off by pulling her to the side by her arm. “Not so loud” he whispered. “Just put in my pocket.” Eliza eyes that were filled with childlike wonder before became filled with worry. But, she did what she was told. “Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so harsh,” He continued. 

“It’s okay. If anything, I’m sorry,” Eliza said with a half smile. She was always apologizing for things that weren’t her fault. “I’m not going to push, Alex, but I hope things are okay.” 

He put his hand on her arm, hoping to give her some reassurance and comfort. “Things are okay. I promise.” She nodded, gazing into Alex’s eyes for a moment. He had such, bright, blue and beautiful eyes. She was having trouble looking away until her phone began to ring in her pocket.

“Oh!” She exclaimed. “That’s Sam, I should, um.” 

“You should go,” Alex finished. She started to jog toward the front doors of the school when a thought that had been bugging her made her turn around and face Alex.

“I’m sorry about Sam hitting you, he shouldn’t have done that. I’ll try to talk some sense into him, but you know how he can be.” She looked disappointed and vaguely trapped. Her phone rang again and she glanced to her pocket with a look of distress. 

“It’s okay. You really should go, Eliza,” he grimaced. He hated to see her so nervous. Without a word, she ran inside and into the heat where Sam was waiting for her most impatiently. 

Trying to shake thoughts of Eliza out of his brain, Alex went around the school and into a different entrance as to not run into Seabury or the rest of his crew. He then went into the bathrrom and began the painful process of staring at his marks once again and trying to cover them up without anyone noticing. He had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the only time he had to stand in front of the cracked glass of the school mirror on the other side of the school from his friends. He hated secrets, but he hated people staring and asking questions more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! Thanks for reading!
> 
> I hope you don't mind that I didn't go into detail in the rape scene, I feel like that's not my place to write about having never experienced anything even remotely related to that. 
> 
> I also hope that the bit of fluff I gave you tided you over through the painful stuff! More fluff in the future, I promise. 
> 
> Drop a comment or a kudos? Anything is appreciated.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr! helplessandnotsatisfied. Would love to hear from some readers!
> 
> xoxo- Emily


	4. Articles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He should have been happy."

“You’ve been quiet all day, mon petit lion,” Laf said as the Revolutionary Crew walked to their Council meeting. Alex stuffed one of his hands pocket and let out a quiet sigh. He should have been happy. John’s hand was wrapped around his own and they were walking together in the hallway as a brand new couple. When they told Laf and Herc that they were official, Laf let out a little shriek and Herc shook their hands with vigor and excitement. John did most of the talking, but Alex allowed himself to smile a little in response to the news. Deep down, he felt guilty. His skin was tainted and his lips were dry and chapped from a seemingly never-ending night and there was nothing he could do about it. 

John didn’t seem to notice his discomfort and if he did, he was keeping quiet about it until later when they were alone. So, when Lafayette made the statement about his lack of words, Alex didn’t know what to do. If he opened his mouth, he thought he might never be able to shut it again and then he would reveal things that he wasn’t ready for his friends to know. Even worse, he might start crying and then he would really be fucked. Instead of doing either of those things, Alex shrugged and let out a small, “Sorry,” with no explanation whatsoever. 

John squeezed his hand and gave him a look as if to say, we’ll talk about this later? , but Alex just looked away. He hated that he had to be so cold and distant with him, but at some point he was going to have to tell John and continuing to fall in love with him more would only hurt him more in the end. He didn’t want to create a stronger attatchment that would leave John feeling betrayed and heartbroken. Yes, he was raped, but he knew that was his fault. If he could only just follow the rules and do what he was told, then James would be good to him. He did what he was told last night and James had raised his curfew. Alex knew he was screwed up. Once he stopped messing everything up he would be good enough for John. He just wasn’t there yet. 

When they walked into The Council meeting, Angelica was already seated and staring Alex down from the time the walked in the door until the meeting was called. He shot Eliza a glance and she mouthed ‘I’m sorry’, meaning that she probably told Angelica that something was up with him. Due to the fact that Angelica wasn’t exactly subtle with her feelings, Alex could read her concern like a book. He was going to have to lie to the sisters. He was going to have to lie to John. He hated lying, but it had to be done. 

“This meeting is being called to order,” Angelica called out, smacking her hand on the table like she always did. Immediately everyone took a seat behind their plack, many with pens, notebooks, and typed out rough drafts in their hands. Alex was ashamed to know that he hadn’t even started his assignment yet. He was going to push out a rough draft last night, but things got complicated. He’ll just have to stay up even later tonight. 

“Just as a reminder, final drafts are due to me tomorrow by three. Got it? No late pieces you little fucks, you know I don’t do that shit. Does anyone have anything they want to bring to the table to discuss? Questions about pieces? Come on people lets hear ‘em,” Angelica began, waiting expectantly. Not suprisingly, Peggy was the first one to speak her mind. 

“As you all know, I’ve been trying for weeks to write a piece on Conservatism vs. Liberalism but the Young Conservatives Club president refuses to speak to me! I don’t understand, I’ve been incredibly friendly…” She rambled.

“Pegs, they probably think you’re going to sway the article in favor of the liberal side and make the conservatives sound like shit heads,” Angelica explained. 

“I wasn’t!” Peggy scoffed. Angelica and Eliza both rolled their eyes; they knew how Peggy could be. She was a loud-mouthed fighter who did whatever she could to get what she wanted and she was passionate about what she believed in. Peggy was a flaming liberal and everyone knew it, so it was really no surprise that the ‘Young Conservatives Club’ president wouldn’t speak to her. 

“I’ll talk to him,” Eliza announced patiently. “If anything, I’ll get the interview with him and you can use it in your article.” Everyone immediately knew that that was a better plan of action. Eliza had a special way with words and could woo anyone that she smiled at. Plus, she was gorgeous, but that wasn’t the only reason she charmed everyone she met. 

“Alright, now that that’s settled, anything else?” Angelica sighed. Peggy was exhausting sometimes. When there was silence from the rest of the group, Angelica took the moment to say something that she considered incredibly important. “Well then, I’d just like to say, if any of you never need anything- and I mean anything,” she said pointedly looking at Alex. “Please feel free to come to me. With all the time that we spend together, we’re basically a family. I hope you keep that in mind. That’s all; meeting adjourned.” It was odd for Angelica to be sappy in any way, shape or form but for some odd reason, people had a soft spot for Alex. When Angelica heard that he might be hurt, she showed her affection in the only way she knew how, through her power. 

Alex swallowed the sour taste in his mouth and looked away from Angelica’s questioning stare. Having more concerned people around him wouldn’t help; it would only hurt. Whatever happened, he needed to keep the Schuyler sisters out of his mess. He couldn’t ruin the innocence that he saw in Eliza’s eyes or the determination he saw in Peggy’s or the bit of softness he saw in Angelica’s. You were only supposed to read about rape in the newspapers. It wasn’t supposed to happen to your friends or your family. 

But this rape, he had to keep reminding himself, was different. It made James happy and it made him tolerable. This would be a good thing in the end. This would be a good thing. 

Alex didn’t get up right away at the end of the meeting. He sat in his chair, lost in thought, when everyone else was up and buzzing around. Originally, John was standing with Laf and Herc, but when Alex didn’t join them, he went over and sat next to him. 

“You know I haven’t even started my rough draft yet?” Alex laughed before John had the chance to ask him what was wrong. John was surprised; Alex was almost always editing his pieces by this point and had completed at least three rough drafts. It was odd for him to ever be behind on his work.

“That’s okay, I’m sure you’ll get it done by tomorrow, you always do,” John assured him. Alex gave him a half smile in return. It was those damn freckles. They got him every time. “Besides, you never sleep anyway.” 

“That’s true,” Alex responded, giving him a suggestive sideways glance. John just laughed and tried to ignore the bags underneath Alex’s eyes and the vibration of his hands that didn’t seem to stop.

Across the room, Eliza was standing alone, her hands wrapped around her phone, trying not to draw attention to herself. Angelica and Peggy were off in the corner arguing about Peggy’s controversial piece, so she was trying to stay out of it. Besides, Sam would be there in any minute and she didn’t want him to walk in and see her talking to someone he didn’t approve of. Sam didn’t approve of a lot of the things she did. She was lucky she was a part of the paper, especially with Alex Hamilton being a part of it as well. He really hated him, and Eliza knew it was all her fault. One day, when he was reading her texts, they had a huge fight about her ‘relationship’ with Alex. She said they were just friends, but he insisted he saw something more. He even tried to get her to quit The Council and to stop talking to him, but she drew the line there. It was the one thing she ever asked from him and it would be the only thing she ever asked from him. Ever since, she’s tried to be more passive around him and give into his demands. Anything to keep him from forcing her out of the paper. 

“Babe!” Seabury called out as he entered the room. “Let’s go!” The staff members became almost silent, as his presence was loud enough for all of them. “Your friends are weird,” he remarked, slinging his arm around her and basically dragging her out the door. 

~

The next morning, Alex woke up in a cold sweat. His hair was damp and it looked like he had kicked his sheets off of himself at some point during the night. As he stared at the ceiling, he tried to ignore the stench of James’s cologne all over him. 

He had more reasons than one to feel guilty that morning. He had planned to stay up late that night and write his article that was due that day to Angelica. For some strange reason, he hadn’t believed that James would have his way with him two days in row. How innocent his thoughts had been. He had never not finished a piece. He knew his friends were going to get supicious. He could cut school, blame it on being sick, but James would be pissed if he stayed home alone without his knowledge and certainly wouldn’t excuse him. There was no way out of this. He was going to have to lie again. Maybe if he started the day off with nothing to hide, people wouldn’t question him as much. 

Alex: John, I messed up. Fuck. 

John: What’d you do??

Alex: I didn’t write my article

John: At all?

Alex: At all.

John: That’s not like you.

Alex: I fucked up, I fell asleep.

John: It’ll be all right. You can just explain what happened to Angelica. She’ll understand. 

Alex: Okay. I’ll see you at school.

John: <3

At least John would be on his side. John would believe him. Alex rolled out of bed and didn’t even bother to cover himself before entering his own room. No one was home, and besides, he had given up on decency anyway. As he put his clothes on for school, he avoided the mirror that he knew he would have to face eventually. All he wanted was to not have any more marks to cover up. He hadn’t given Eliza’s foundation back and thankfully she hadn’t asked, but still it felt embarrassing and secretive. 

As slowly as he could, Alex slipped on his jeans and flannel and tied his hair up. When he had finally worked up the courage, he unzipped the front pocket of his backpack and pulled out the foundation, rolling it through his fingers. He then placed the bottle down on the dresser top and leaned against it, fully prepared to use the tainted liquid.

Unfortuantely, he was right. There were two more new dark purple marks on his body, one on his neck and one on his collarbone. With regret and fatigue, he rubbed the foundation on the marks and hoped and prayed that everything would go well at The Council later that afternoon. 

~

“Alright everyone, line up, hand in your pieces. Let’s go! I don’t have all day!” Angelica announced and one by one The Council members began to hand in their typed up articles that they had either been working on for days or weeks, depending on their skill level. 

Seeing the pale look on Alex’s face, John squeezed his hand in comfort. “We’ll just explain and everything will be fine. You’ve never missed a deadline before and plenty of these bozos have and have gotten off scott free. Don’t worry about it, babe.” Alex almost let out a little laugh when John called him babe. It was cute, but unexpected.

“Here it is!” Peggy yelled. “Conservatism v. Liberalism: an article by Miss Peggy Schuyler! I couldn’t have done it with out my dear sister, Eliza. She was the brain of the whole operation.” With exaggerated motion she handed the piece of paper into Angelica’s hands. 

Eliza just laughed, saying, “Oh my word. I hope you didn’t blow the whole thing out of proportion.”

In response, Peggy ran towards her and enveloped her in a full force embrace. It was her first article that was going to be published, and no one could blame her for being so excited. Turn-in day was always the best. Writers hung around to celebrate being done for the week, drinking soda and eating cookies. Even Alex usually enjoyed the break. But today was different. Today, he hadn’t finished his piece. Today, he had left Angelica without a cover story, which meant Jefferson’s idiotic words would probably be on the front page. 

Staring at her clipboard with her hand out to collect each work, Angelica stood at the hand of the room, always the center of power and attention. “Okay, Laurens, check. Hamilton?” She looked up from her papers when Alex didn’t put anything her hand. “Hamilton, where’s your piece?”

“I don’t have it. I’m really sorry, Angelica, I fell asleep and…” Alex stammered. Angelica took a hard look at him and made her decision quickly. 

“Both of you stand over there while I collect the rest of the articles,” she demanded. John and Alex did what they were told and stood to the side of her. Nobody ever said no to Angelica because she tended to be right about most things. It would be stupid to cross her. 

Although only five minutes had passed, Alex thought it felt like eternity. Angelica kept looking at him out of the corner of her eye with such an intense stare that Alex thought he was going to cry. He was a fuck up, and now he was going to be screamed at. He could feel it. 

“Okay, that’s it everyone!” She called out. “I hate to cut this party short, but everyone except for Hamilton, Laurens, Lafayette, Mulligan, and my sisters need to get their asses out of this room, no questions asked. Got it?” Alex’s face went ghost white as he stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked at the floor. What was she doing, keeping an audience in the room for when she screamed at him?

“Sounds like the worst party ever,” Jefferson sneered. “Schuylers, that Revolutionary Crew is only going to bring your status down.”

“Fuck off, Thomas,” Eliza spat. Everyone couldn’t believe what had just come out of Eliza’s mouth. She almost never swore. 

“Ah, what’s with the language, princess? You don’t want me to go tell Sam what you’ve been saying with that dirty mouth of yours, do you?” Eliza immediately shrunk into herself. 

“Get. Out.” Angelica seethed through gritted teeth. Thomas put his hands up as if to surrender and then walked out with the rest of the writers trailing behind him.

Lafayette, being the man that he was, went straight over to Eliza and pulled her into him. He swore he could hear a tiny sob escape her lips, but when they broke away her face was dry of tears.

“Listen, Angelica, I’m really sorry,” Alex blurted out. 

“Alex, I don’t give a fuck that you didn’t hand in your article,” Angelica stated, her arms crossed. Alex immediately let out a sigh of relief. “But Alex, I know covered up hickeys when I see them and I can see the shame in your eyes. Plus, every couple of days you show up with a new baseball-sized bruise. Now either you and John are either into some really kinky shit or there’s more to the story than running into a door.” Alex didn’t know what to say. He should have seen this coming, but he didn’t. He thought that they would just ignore his strange actions. He had been niave. 

“Wait, Alex, is there more?” John asked with a concerned look on his face. “You didn’t say anything about hickeys…” He tried to not look hurt because he knew that if someone else was kissing him, he didn’t want it to be that way.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered. Suddenly, he felt so small.

“Hold the fuck up,” Angelica interjected. “You idiots knew about this? And you didn’t do anything?” 

‘It’s more complicated than that,” Hercules muttered. 

“It’s not complicated!” Peggy yelled. “Your friend is being abused and you did nothing!”

“Mon ami, you don’t know the half of it,” Laf said, trying to hold back his temper. Herc squeezed his hand with a nod of affirmation. 

“Stop!” Alex finally spoke up. “You don’t need to worry, everything’s fine. Please just let it go.” 

“Alexander, please tell us what’s going on,” Eliza cooed, walking over to Alex and holding his hands. When his flannel was pushed up a bit, she saw the bruises on his wrists. She tried to get his hands to stop shaking, but they wouldn’t. Alex quickly pulled away; even the smallest touch hurt. Angelica, looking from the side, was now even more sure of her accusation. Alex looked like he was about to throw up. In an attempt to help as well, John wrapped one of his arms around Alex’s side. Suprisingly, Alex flinched out of fear and John had to back off. He almost never did that. Alex usually loved to be touched and hugged, but it was obvious that that had changed.

You could have heard a pin drop in that room. They were all waiting for Alex to say something, anything. With John and Eliza’s eyes staring him down, Alex fell pray to their love. He wanted to tell them everything and let them protect him, even though he didn’t deserve to be protected. He wouldn’t let them do anything about it though. He wasn’t going into foster care.

“James has been better lately,” everyone was hanging on his every word. “I…I’ve done things that have made him happy. He doesn’t hurt me when I... let him.” 

Eliza was the first to speak. She knew that, coming from her, the accusation wouldn’t sound as harsh. “Alexander, did James rape you?” 

Alex was silent, but his silence was enough of a response for them. There was a collective sigh among the teenagers and a moment where nobody knew what to say. Luckily, Alex spoke for them.

“John, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to; I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please don’t be angry with me, I couldn’t live with myself if-” Alex cried.

“Alexander, I’m not mad, I’m scared!” John insisted. “Alex, this isn’t like last time. We’re getting you out of that house.” Everyone nodded in agreement. 

Alex squeezed his eyes shut and balled up his fists. “No… no I can’t. You can’t. Things are getting better, I just have to keep doing what he says.” 

“Mon petit lion, John is right. You are so very brave, little Alex, but you can’t live like this forever,” Lafayette reasoned.

“It’s my fault, anyway. He’s right to punish me.”

“Alex don’t you ever fucking say that! It’s not your fault. Don’t shit on yourself like that!” Angelica reprimanded.

“Angelica, be a little bit more sensetive!” Eliza scolded. “You have no idea what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship. No fucking clue.” Angelica became wide eyed at her sister’s outburst.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I am. But we need to get you out of that house,” Angelica said, quieter this time.

“She’s right, Alexander,” John cooed. He then took two of his fingers and lightly tapped Alex’s chin up so that he would look at him. Alex’s eyes were welling with tears. “Please.”

“Okay,” Alex whispered. They were getting him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I am incapable of writing happy chapters. What do you all think about the John/Alex/Eliza thing that's going on? No worries, I've got a plan. It'll get happier soon, more fluff maybe.
> 
> Your kudos and comments mean everything! Thank you so much!


	5. Getting Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But he needs a chance and you're his chance."

“Martha? George?” John called out into the house, placing his keys on one of the hooks in the mudroom and his backpack on the floor.

“In here honey!” Martha responded from the kitchen where she and George were enjoying an evening cocktail at the table. George liked to come home early from work on Wednesdays because it gave him a break during the middle of a stressful week. He and Martha also used that time to catch up on their lives, as hectic as they were. 

“Hi hun, how was school?” Martha asked as John walked into the room. Then, seeing the forlorn look on his face, asked a different question. “What’s wrong?” 

John sighed and sat down next to his parents at the table. “I have to ask you for a really big favor.” He hated asking his adopted parents for anything. They had already given him so much when they took him from his abusive fuck of a father. Without them, he would be in the system, probably going from foster home to foster home. But they took him in and have treated him like their own son ever since. Martha couldn’t have children and it really hurt them. They had been on adoption lists for years, but for some strange reason they were never chosen. They liked to tell people that it was destiny because John was meant to be theirs. To John, it seemed a little silly but he was forever greatful. His parents let him be who he wanted to be without consequence. Sometimes he had to pinch himself to remind himself that he wasn’t living in a dream. Then, stupid shit like what was going on with Alex happened and he remembered that life wasn’t a fairy tale. 

“Of course, John. You know we’ll help if we can,” George said, taking another sip of his drink.   
“Well, I should probably tell you something first. You know my friend Alex?” George and Martha nodded. “We’re not exactly friends anymore. We’re more than that. We’re dating.” 

Martha clapped her hands together and gasped. “Oh that is wonderful!” 

George placed his hand on John’s back and gave an affirmation of, “Nice job son. He’s a good one.”

“Exactly! He’s a good one!” John agreed. “But he’s going through some really bad stuff right now and I need your help because my friends and I can’t do it alone. His cousin, the one he’s staying with, punches him, has placed a choke hold on him, and worst of all, raped him the other night. I don’t know what to do.” Finally, letting everything off of his chest, John began to cry. 

“Oh, honey of course we’ll help,” Martha sighed, reaching across the table to grip his hands. 

“We’ve got to get him out of that house,” George stated, his eyes full of thought and worry.

“Ma, I’m so scared for him. James is probably doing something to him right now and there’s nothing I can do!” John cried.

“Damn it, damn it,” George muttered. His hands were fidgeting as he thought about the different courses of action. “Alright son, here’s what we’re going to do. I have a friend with social services. I’m going to make a call to him and if we’re lucky he’ll be out of there tonight, okay? We’re going to do all we can.”

John nodded vigorously through his tears. “Tonight? Really? You think we can get him out tonight?”

“We’re going to try, son, we’re going to do everything we can,” George assured him, and then went to his office to make the much needed phone call.

~

“Alex, you’ve been really good lately. You’ve made me so happy, little Alex,” James said, completely ignoring the fear in Alex’s eyes. “Thank you for covering up the blemishes I made on your pretty skin. We wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea, would we?” Alex shook his head. 

By now, Alex had learned the routine. He stayed in the kitchen until he was either excused or, as of late, followed up the stairs by James. James didn’t like it when Alex was on his phone, so he had to keep it in his backpack until he went upstairs. It was a special kind of torture that night because it had been buzzing ever since he got home. His friends said they would update him, but James wasn’t letting him go. All he wanted to do was check that damn phone…

“I’m going to make you dinner!” James announced. Then, he pointed at the kitchen table and said, “Sit there and don’t move, you hear me?” Alex nodded.

~  
John: George just made the call. Social services are going over there tonight, Alex, just sit tight. It’s all going to be okay. 

Eliza: Thank goodness. Tell your dad thank you from all of us!

John: He’s not my dad.

Hercules: Turtle, calm down. She didn’t mean anything by it. 

Peggy: Turtle??

Lafayette: John’s obsessed with turtles. It’s quite adorable.

John: Shut up.

Angelica: Guys, I have an idea. But first, we all have to agree Alex is our number one priority right now, okay?

John: Of course.

Eliza: Always. 

John looked up from his phone. Who did this girl think she was? He loved Eliza, but she was getting to close to Alex for comfort.

Peggy: Get on with it.

Angelica: When Alex gets out of that house and into a foster home, we need to take turns being on Alex duty. You know, walk him to class, hang out after school, and sit with him at lunch. He can’t be alone.

Lafayette: That’s actually a really good idea, mon ami. 

John: Sounds perfect.

Eliza: I hate waiting. I just want him out of there. 

Angelica: Me too, ‘liza, me too.

~  
By eight thirty, Alex was still at the kitchen table. James sat across from him on his laptop, looking up every few minutes to keep an eye on Alex. Alex had pulled out his homework and was working on it dilligently, trying not look up at all. He hated these nights; they happened every once in awhile. James kept him downstairs for company and to keep Alex in his place. Too much freedom, he thought, and the boy would go crazy.

Just when Alex had gotten up to clear their dinner dishes, there was a knock on the door. James immediately looked up from his laptop and snapped, “Who the fuck could that be? Go get it, runt.”

As Alex walked to the door, he tried not to get his hopes up. If he had to stay at the house, it wouldn’t be so bad. As long as he did what James wanted when he was home, he would be fine. A few bruises and hickeys wouldn’t hurt him. Even if he did get out, what if his foster parents were even worse than James? He knew that was possible. He had heard the horror stories and he wasn’t about to become a main character in one. But, he also didn’t want his friends to have to save him again. 

Slowly, he opened the door and was staring face to face with two intimidating men with badges.   
Seeing who was at the door, James got out of his chair and backed up against the wall. “James Hamilton?” One of the men asked. “We’re here to ask you a few questions.” 

The other, less intimidating man, went up to Alex and said, “You must be Alex. Can we take a walk up to your room for a second?” Alex hesitantly nodded, but James began to protest.

“What are you doing with him? You can’t take him anywhere without my consent!” 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hamilton, but I’m afraid we can,” the nicer guard said, and then led the boy up to his room.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked with a nervous voice as they climbed the stairs. His hands started to do that stupid thing where they kept vibrating and even an immense amount of pressure couldn’t stop them. The guard took notice right away.

“We’re here to help you, Alex. Mr. Washington sent us after giving a report of abuse and rape. Can you confirm that?” His eyes were kind, but the badge on his chest made Alex nervous. Like he could lock him away from his friends without a word with one wrong step.

“I… I…” Alex didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t form the words ‘abuse’ or ‘rape’ in his own mouth. Instead, in response, he lifted up his shirt and showed him that marks that he hadn’t dared to show his friends before. 

The guard had obviously been trained not to react, because the sight of Alex’s upper body wasn’t pretty. There were bruises up and down his sides, some from kisses, some not. Plus, there were scratch marks up and down his back that hadn’t even started to heal yet. James was rough in bed.  
Alex looked down at his mattress, ashamed. He should have fought more to stop him. He shouldn’t have let his friends find out. Everyone probably thought he was a freak. “I think that’s all the proof we need, Mr. Hamilton. Everything’s going to be better soon, okay? You’re not alone in this.” The man paused for a second, looking the boy up and down once again. “Do you have a suitcase? Can you start packing your things?” 

Once again, Alex nodded quietly. It didn’t take him long to put everything he owned into a backpack and a small suitcase. He didn’t own anything of value really because his mom couldn’t afford it and James would barely buy him new clothes if he needed them. The only thing he really cared about that he brought was his notebook, almost filled to the back of the book. It was the last thing his mom gave him before she died and he dreaded the day that he was done with it. Every word he wrote on its page was carefully inked in with the best script he could manage. He hoped that next time he wrote in it he would be somewhere safe. In the back of his head, he knew that was too good to be true.

“Are you all ready to go, Alex?” The guard asked as Alex zipped up his notebook into his backpack. Giving his room one last glance, he nodded and they both stepped out the door. The guard took his suitcase and encouraged Alex to walk behind him for safety, at least until they reached the door. 

The other guard was still talking to James in the kitchen. “Mr. Hamilton, we’ve received enough evidence to remove Alex from your home. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be. Law enforcement is already on the way. Struggling will only make it worse.”

James walked over to the cabinet on a wall opposite the kitchen and opened its doors, pulling out a pistol that Alex had never seen before. He placed it to his own head and calmly said, “If you take him, I shoot.” Alex was almost to the door. Both guards put their own pistols in the air and tried to pull Alex out the door but he struggled and refused.

“No! No! I’ll stay. Please,” Alex begged. 

“Alex, this isn’t your decision anymore, it’s going to be okay,” The nicer guard assured him. Alex’s eyes were frantic. The other guard was holding him back with his one free arm as Alex struggled to get to James. Their guns were still aimed at James as he held his own gun to his head, staring straight at Alex.

Alex didn’t know what happened. One minute, James was staring him down, the next minute; he was on the ground with a bullet in the side of his head. It took Alex a second to process, but when he did he let out the most ungodly scream he had ever produced. 

James was dead. He was the reason he was dead. James shot himself. It was his fault. James was dead. 

~

“It would mean the world to this kid. I can’t just send him to any foster home. Another death could ruin this boy. It’s sort of amazing how similar his story is to the one that you’re writing,” George said to the man and woman sitting across from the next morning. 

The man ran his hand through his hair. “George, this isn’t just some simple favor you’re asking of us here. You’re asking us to take a troubled teenage boy into our house. We just had a kid! We don’t know how to..”

“I know, I know. This is huge. But he needs a chance and you’re his chance. Use him as inspiration,” George argued. “Please. This boy is like a son to me, but my actual son is dating him so we can’t take him in. It’s a conflict of interest. I can’t think of anyone better to do this.”

“We’re always talking about giving back,” the woman interjected. “This boy is an immigrant from the Caribbean, just like your father. We could give this boy a real life.” 

“It’s a big step,” the man said to his wife. “Are you sure we’re ready?”

“We can certainly afford it. If it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out, but I think we need to give him a chance.”

“I’m in if you’re in,” the man said, though he was unsure. He knew the kid needed a chance, but he was only thirty-five himself. He was so busy with show’s rehearsals and his wife was at the office all the time. How would they ever find time to care for this sixteen-year-old boy?

“Thank you so much, Lin. You won’t regret it. Martha and I will be around to help as much as we can. Let’s go meet Alex, shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... that just happened. The foster dad lin idea credit goes to ohNooOOOOoo :) It just worked so well for this piece that I needed to use it, though it'll be in a different way than she did. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! This chapter had to be a bit shorter because of everything that needed to happen. All of your comments and kudos are appreciated!


	6. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is this all for me?"

Alex stared at the ceiling from the bed on the top bunk he was in. They took him to a shelter when they left the house. They promised his stay there would be only temporary, one night, two at the most. He was terrified. The Washingtons hadn’t come to see him yet and his phone died around two in the morning. He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. He kept seeing James’s glazed over eyes lying on the ground over and over in his mind. John texted him every second until he couldn’t anymore. He hadn’t told him anything specific and John hadn’t pushed, but John knew there was something more on his mind than moving into a foster home. Mr. Washington knew; he would tell him what was wrong. Alex didn’t think he could say it.

Alex felt like there was a ball of metal sitting on his stomach. He took short, shallow breaths, but his eyes refused to tear up or cry. He was scared out of his mind. His new foster parents could be just like James for all he knew. The system was random. A lot of the families were only part of it for money. All he wanted was John next to him and to kiss his forehead and then his lips and then…

But John wasn’t here. The Washingtons weren’t here. They would be here soon; he knew they would. He wished he could live with them, but he knew he couldn’t. He was dating John and he wouldn’t trade that for the world. He wouldn’t trade it for a safe, loving home. 

The Washingtons would take care of him no matter where he was, John assured him. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t deserve their kindness. He didn’t deserve their love. He was the reason his mother died. He was the reason his cousin died. He was in the middle of a hurricane that he had created and he couldn’t get out. He couldn’t move. He was trapped. He was drowning. He couldn’t breathe. He was alone. 

“Alex, are you awake? Son, you’ve got to get up,” He heard George’s voice say from the other side of the room. He wanted to get up and say something, but his limbs wouldn’t move and his throat was dry. “I’m so sorry, Alex. Just one more day of change, and then things will be better, I promise. I’ve set up a foster house for you with a friend of mine. His name his Lin and his wife’s name is Vanessa. They’re really great people, Alex, I promise.”

Slowly, Alex was able to sit up. With weary eyes, he was able to ask, “Is John here?” 

“Yes, he’s here. All of your friends are here, actually. They’ve been dying to see you. Martha, Lin, and Vanessa are here as well,” George responded. 

Alex nodded, taking everything in. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times and rubbed his eyes. Without saying a word, Alex got out of bed and followed George to the lobby, suitcase and backpack in tow. He needed to show everyone that he was okay. 

But, by the look on everyone’s faces in the lobby, the already knew everything. There would be no faking anything. Immediately, John ran toward him and wrapped him in an embrace. “You’re okay, thank god you’re okay,” he breathed. Alex said nothing, but still held him tightly.

“You came,” he finally let out. 

“Of course,” John whispered. He then loosened his grip and let him go. “Okay, you should probably go say hi to everyone else that came here for you.” 

Eliza was the first to run into his arms. “Oh, Alex. I’m so proud of you.” He lightly placed his hands on her back and let her squeeze him as tightly as she could. When she let him go, she ran her fingers through his hair and gave him a small, teary smile. 

“Hey,” he said, wiping her tears. “I’m okay. Alright?” She nodded, the same stupid, half smile on her face. Angelica and Peggy were the next to approach him. They both gave him a sort of pat on the back with sympathetic smiles on their faces. Peggy didn’t say a word, which was incredibly unusual for her. Angelica didn’t know what to say, but she gave him a ‘you did good, kid’ that seemed to suffice.

Lafayette had the biggest smile plastered on his face. “Mon petit lion, I am so happy for you! Things are about to be very good, yes?” Hercules shot him a look. “What?”

“You’re happy for me?” Alex turned around to look at the rest of his friends. “Are you all happy for me? Why should you be? My cousin killed himself because of me. I watched him shoot himself, and you’re happy?” Everyone shifted around uneasily.

Stepping in, George said, “Alex, I think that they’re just happy that you’re safe. We all are. We know this is going to be hard, but we’re here for you.” 

“I’m sorry,” Alex apologized, shaking his head. “I’m being stupid. I’m happy you’re all here. Thank you.” 

“Alex, I hate to break this up, but we’ve got to go meet your new foster parents,” George said. 

“They’re so wonderful, Alex! We all met them; you’re going to love them. Don’t you think so, guys?” Eliza said as everyone around her gave nods of affirmation.  
“Will you go with me?” Alex asked, looking at John. As a confirmation, John grabbed his hand. “I’ll see you all soon.” Eliza gave Alex a small wave and the rest of them just smiled and walked out the door together, knowing that they had helped bring Alex somewhere safe and loving. 

As they walked down the small, narrow hallway to where his new foster parents were filling out paper work, Alex whispered to John, “I’m scared.” 

“They’re really great Alex, they won’t hurt you. I promise,” John whispered back. Alex gave him a weak nod, but his stomach still felt like it was doing flips. Promises weren’t real; they were empty and meaningless forms of comfort that people liked to dish out to make themselves feel better in an uncomfortable situation. 

Regardless, he had to walk through the office door where his new foster parents were sitting together at a desk and signing paper work. Their backs were to him, so they didn’t notice when he came in. Suddenly, his mouth became dry and his hands incredibly clamy. He didn’t think he could speak and luckily, George did it for him. “Lin, Vanessa, I’d like you to meet Alex.” The couple stood up and turned around hand in hand, just like he and John were. Still, Alex didn’t say anything. He noticed right away that the man- Lin- was from the Caribbean. His distinct features reminded him of home and the warmer weather he had left. He had a light smile on his face while his wife- Vanessa; he had to keep reminding himself- was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Alex, it’s so great to meet you,” she said. He tried to smile back, but his face wouldn’t allow him to. They seemed nice like everyone said, but people can hide behind masks and closed doors. He hoped he could trust these people who seemed to be such great friends of George that he would send Alex to them. 

Lin seemed to be equally as intrigued with Alex as Alex was with him. They were both staring at one another with quizzical looks of fear and incoming change. Lin felt his stomach flip, which was odd. He loved opportunities and change, but the sight of this sixteen-year-old boy made him more nervous than he had ever been in his life. He shouldn’t have been, but one look into the kid’s eyes and he saw so much of himself in Alex. That scared him more than anything.

The awkward silence was deafening, only interrupted by George. “Maybe we should head to your house and move him in?” He hinted to Vanessa.

She nodded. “Sounds perfect.” 

~

They rode in a taxi to the apartment. Alex hadn’t been in one in years because they always rode the subway or walked, but Lin insisted they ride in one. Supposedly their apartment was all the way across town. They all rode together, but he and Lin didn’t say two words. Alex was beginning to think that the man might hate him. Maybe he was disappointed when he saw the boy that showed up in the room. Alex didn’t exactly think he was a pretty sight with his shoulder length, tangled hair and bruised body. It would only make sense that he would hate him. Who wouldn’t hate someone that was going to make their life incredibly complicated? Alex dreaded the second that John, George and Martha left the apartment. 

Sitting in the seat next to him, John texted him.

John: Are you okay? You’re being really quiet

Alex: I don’t think he likes me

John: Alex, he barely knows you. He’s probably just as nervous as you are

Alex: Yeah, that’s true

John: Here, I’ll start a conversation. Take part, okay?

Alex: Alright

“So, Lin,” John started. “What do you do for a living?” Lin looked relieved to break up the tension in the car.

“Well, it’s sort of complicated, but I like to call myself a writer,” Lin said. Alex’s eyes lit up and finally looked the man in the eye. His foster father was a writer, just like him.

“So am I,” Alex replied, but then stammered, “I, I write for my school paper.” 

“He’s the best writer in the room,” John bragged, but Alex just rolled his eyes. “It’s true.”

“That’s really awesome,” Lin smiled. “I’m sure we’re going to get along great. I have so much to show you.” It seemed that the one piece of information Lin learned about Alex made all the difference. All he had been told before the boy showed up was his story. He came from the Caribbean, he aquired cancer alongside his mom and survived while she didn’t, and then was abused and raped by his cousin who he watched kill himself the night before. It didn’t make sense. How could anyone hurt this boy? He had such soft, kind eyes and it was clear he just needed to be loved. 

At the end of the taxi ride, Alex watched Lin slide out of the taxi with ease and pay the heavy fee like it was nothing. It was clear the man had money once they walked into the apartment. Not so much that Alex felt uncomfortable, but enough that his lifestyle would be different compared to the one he was used to. 

Lin and Vanessa led him into his new room while he, George and John dragged his stuff along. There was a TV in the corner, a queen sized bed, and such a large closet that Alex didn’t know how people could ever have enough stuff to fill it. With wide eyes, he asked, “Is this all for me?”

Lin chuckled, “Yeah kiddo, it is.” Alex fingered the material of the blanket on his bed, his mouth open in awe. Maybe he would be happy here. He tried to shake the thought from his head. That was wishful thinking, and he didn’t deserve to think that way any longer. “Our son, Sebastian, sleeps down the hall. He’s a newborn, so we apologize in advance for any late night crying.”

“I don’t mind. I don’t sleep much anyway,” Alex replied, giving him a lighthearted laugh. 

After putting away what little belongings he had, George clapped his hands together in finality. “Well, it looks like you’re all settled, Alex. We should really get going. Call us if you need anything, okay?” John squeezed his hand and suddenly Alex was scared once again. The Washingtons were leaving him alone with these people he barely knew. He had so many unanswered questions, but his tongue had been tied all night. “Lin, Vanessa, thank you so much,” George said, giving them both friendly hugs while Martha did the same. “We’ll talk soon.”

Before he could blink, the Washingtons and John were out the door. Alex wished he could have kissed him goodbye, but that didn’t seem too smart. He didn’t know what his new foster parent’s… feelings were about that sort of thing. He didn’t want to stir the pot right away. He knew better.

~

Later that night, Alex found himself in the living room on the couch watching a Harry Potter movie with Vanessa and Lin. When he told Lin that he hadn’t seen them before, he insisted that they watch them together. That night, they watched the first one, ‘The Socerer’s Stone.’

Toward the end of the movie, Alex began nodding off, overcome by the exhaustion of the past few days. Seeing this, Lin whispered, “Alex, do you want to go to bed? We can finish this some other time.”

Confused, Alex asked with tired eyes, “Can I go? Is that allowed?”

“Buddy,” Lin said cautiously. “You can go to bed whenever you want. You don’t need to ask my permission.” 

Alex stood up apprehensively, waiting for Lin to give him the rules, to set guidelines. He was waiting for the bad stuff to start because, well, there hadn’t been any yet. “Are you sure?” He asked again.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Lin replied. He kept staring at the boy’s hands. They had been shaking or vibrating non stop since he met him.

“Okay, thanks,” Alex said, carefully making his way to the bedroom. Possesed by a small portion of adernaline, Alex was able to ask, “Lin, do I have to go to James’s funeral if he has one?”

Lin frowned slightly, trying to jog his memory. James was the boy’s abusive cousin and the reason that he was being placed in his home. He had raped him, punched him, choked him… “Of course not,” he finally answered. “Alex, you only have to do what your comfortable with.”

That night, when Alex fell asleep, he felt safer than he had in months, but the image of James still haunted him. He knew it would be a nightmare that he could never shake. Somehow, he knew this whole set up was too good to be true. He knew not to get his hopes up; because things never got better they only got worse. But, still, he couldn’t shake the thought from his mind how similar he and his new foster dad seemed to be. Silently, he asked his mom for a miracle. He just hoped she was listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look! I can write chapters that aren't incredibly sad!
> 
> just as an update, I'll be adding new chapters every saturday night or sunday morning from now until the end of the summer. thanks for your patience!
> 
> drop a comment or a kudos? I would appreciate it greatly and I reply to every single one. Love you all :)
> 
> xoxo Emily


	7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "His son."

James is dead. James killed himself. He killed himself because of me. My mother died because of me. I killed them. Alex tried to sleep, but every hour or so these words woke him up in the dead of night. The exhaustion he had once been feeling still weighed heavily on his chest, but still it was three in the morning and he was afraid to close his eyes. Every time he did, he pictured his mother’s hospital bed or the lifeless quality of James’s eyes on their kitchen floor. So, as he stared at the ceiling of his foster bedroom, Alex did his best to forget. He almost wished a serious case of amnesia could strike him and leave him without a sad thought in his mind. 

But then he would forget John, Eliza, and the rest of his friends who had basically given up their free time to help Alex in his time of need. He couldn’t forget them, especially when he had yet to repay them for their kindness. He decided he was done asking for help. He hadn’t wanted to do so in the first place, but now more than ever he needed to be his own person and deal with his own problems. They got him into a supposed safe, loving home. That was more than they ever needed to do.  
Everyone kept saying how wonderful Lin and his wife, Vanessa, were. So far, they seemed like fairly nice people with the ambition and the funds to take care of a foster child. But he hadn’t even been there a full day yet, so he had no place to judge. What intrigued him more than anything was Lin’s career as a writer. If he ever became close to the man, he hoped to find out more about it. 

Somehow, through thinking about his new family and his friends, Alex fell asleep again. As usual, it was only an hour before he woke up in a panic, breathing heavily and breaking out in a sweat. What wasn’t normal, however, was the dryness of his throat, as if he had been screaming in his sleep. For a moment, he prayed that he hadn’t been, but his bedroom door swinging open interrupted that thought. 

“Alex?” Lin whispered from the doorframe. He then flipped the light switch, completely bringing to light the dismal state of the boy’s body and emotions. Instead of reacting in a surprised fashion, Lin asked, “Buddy, are you okay?”

Alex couldn’t speak, his heart was racing incredibly fast and he couldn’t help himself from gasping for air every second. He wanted to say that- yes, he was in fact fine- but all he could manage was a nod. It was clear that Lin didn’t believe the weak nod he produced. Lin walked over to the bed and sat on its edge. He didn’t want to touch the boy. After all he had been through, any form of touching didn’t seem like the best course of action. So, instead, he watched Alex as he pushed through his own panic attack, keeping a careful eye on him but still allowing him to feel self-sufficient. When he finally calmed down, Alex’s eyes began to droop. He realized that Lin was still sitting on the edge of his bed, but his presence was almost comforting. He was glad Lin hadn’t tried to do anything because he was almost certain that would have made it worse for the time being. After all, his staying with Lin was part of the reason he was freaking out.

When Alex began to lie down again, Lin moved from the edge of his bed to the chair placed in the corner of the room. He had no plans to leave the boy; he wanted to stay at least until he fell asleep. As Alex began to drift off, so did Lin. Eventually, the two fell asleep, with no nightmares to wake either of them. 

~

Lazily that next morning, Alex blinked, his eyes blinded from the sunlight that seemed to be pouring in from the window in the room. He rolled over; seeing that Lin was still sound asleep in the chair in the corner. Alex had an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Besides his mom, John, and Eliza, no one had ever witnessed his panic attacks. Still, the man stayed. When he was faced with Alex’s problems full force, he didn’t leave him alone. It felt odd.

Suprisingly, he felt well rested. The bed was comfortable as well as its pillows and sheets and he had actually slept; also an odd feeling. Curiously, he glanced at his phone, immediately jumping up when he saw the numbers blinking back at him. 

“Nine thirty!” He yelled. “Nine thirty! Fuck!” In haste, he started pulling on different pants and shoving things into his ratty backpack.

Lin awoke with a start. “Alex what’s going on?” 

“I forgot to set an alarm,” he said quickly, still trying to do a million things at once. “I’ve got school today. I’m late, I’ve gotta-”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” Lin started to say. Alex stops dead in his tracks and looks up to the man with frantic eyes. Although neither of them were particularly tall people, Lin did have a few inches on the boy. Alex didn’t know what it was about Lin’s voice that made him listen. When Lin told him to slow down, he immediately found himself taking in a breath pausing for a moment. He didn’t feel pressured to do so, but still he did. “Alex, you don’t have to go to school today. Sometimes there are more important things,” Lin said slowly. 

Alex shook his head. He was determined to show everyone that he was fine and to thank his friends for all that they had done. He needed to go back to school. He needed to pull The Council out of Jefferson’s grimy hands. No doubt he had taken over when he and Angelica had a slight leave of absence. “No, I have to go back,” he protested. “It’s really important to me.”

One look into the boy’s eyes and Lin was hooked. Even though he thought Alex needed a serious break from the obligations of life, it was clear that school- and writing- was his escape. Putting aside his better judgement of Alex’s physical health, Lin responded, “Then we’ll get you to school.”

“Really?” Alex asked. His own demands hadn’t been recognized recently, they were mostly pushed aside. It felt like he was really being heard for the first time in a long while.

“If it’s that important to you,” Lin shrugged. He wanted Alex to think it was no big deal, but in reality he was stressed out of his mind. This was the first big decision he had made concerning Alex, his son. Washington had mentioned that if it didn’t work out, they could always figure something else out for Alex, but after one night it was clear: this boy was going to be his. 

“Thank you,” Alex answered sincerely. 

“Alright,” Lin clapped. “I’m going to go make breakfast and you, young man, need to get ready for school. Let’s go!” He dashed out of the room, but not before seeing the goofy smile that appeared on Alex’s face.

~

“Have any of you heard from Alex?” Angelica asked. Three fourths of the Revolutionary Crew was sitting at a table in the courtyard at school along with Peggy and Angelica. Angelica had proposed getting together that morning to talk about their ‘Alex watch.’ Nobody wanted him to have any time for himself, because they all knew that when Alex was by himself, he thought too much.

“Not since last night,” John replied. 

“I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t come to school at all today. The kid has had a rough go the last few weeks,” Hercules sighed. Frowns appeared on all of their faces. Even thinking about what had happened to Alex was unbearable. Especially because, as they all knew, Alex didn’t deserve any of it, no matter what he thought. 

“No, I know Alex well enough to know that he needs school to keep him going. He needs the paper more than anything, because when he’s writing he’s got something to think about other than himself. Angelica, you need to give him a really good story this week,” John responded. 

“I always give him something good. He’s our best writer,” Angelica said proudly. She knew that if Alex weren’t such a hothead, he probably would have been the editor of the paper. But because he took his vendettas and beliefs to the ends of the Earth, he couldn’t put his struggles with Jefferson to the side well enough to have her position. Angelica knew that one day he would rise above everything and conquer whatever he did. She was just happy to be friends with the boy. 

“Where’s ‘Liza?” Lafayette asked while munching on a breakfast sandwhich. He was always late to school and usually ended up eating breakfast right before homeroom because he never got a chance to at home.

Angelica glanced at her watch. “She should be here soon. She’s with Seabury, as usual.” Peggy rolled her eyes. “Don’t do that,” Angelica snapped at her. “We need to be supportive.”

“I think Peggy’s got it right,” Lafayette replied. “Sam is quite the ass. Do you see the way he treats Alex?”

“Yes,” Angelica sighed. “But there’s really nothing we can do about it. Trust me, I’ve tried everything. If anything is going to change, it’s going to have to come from Eliza.”

“What about me?” Eliza asked, walking up to the table, hand in hand with Sam. Even if she hadn’t shown up right then, the boys wouldn’t have pushed the matter any farther. Eliza’s relationship with Sam Seabury was strange and there were all sorts of rumors about it, but they knew it wasn’t their place to pry. John was specifically interested in the makings of their relationship because of her close proximity to Alex. He knew that when he wasn’t around, Eliza was Alex’s go to for advice and comfort. He tried not to act jealous, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. If Eliza’s relationship was more stable with Sam, he was sure he wouldn’t feel the same way. 

“We’re talking about the paper,” Angelica said quickly. “I’ve got a great article for you this week.” Everyone around her tried to play it cool because Angelica was such a good liar, but most of them were either raising their eyebrows in surprise or seemingly really interested in their hands.

“Oh yeah?” Eliza asked, raising an eyebrow. “What is it about?”

“You’ll just have to wait and find out at the meeting,” Angelica said coolly. 

“Damn, Angelica, trying to take all of my girlfriend’s time away from me? She never seems to stop working because of you. Half the time she doesn’t even answer her phone,” Sam butted in. Eliza shot them all a look as if asking them to play along. She obviously had been blaming her absence due to Alex on work for the paper when talking to Sam. So, they all just smiled and nodded. “But we’re working on that, aren’t we babe?”

Eliza nodded with a tired face. “Sam got me a new ringtone that only plays if he calls or texts me, so that way I know to answer.”

“She’s not your dog. She doesn’t have to come when you call,” Peggy muttered. Clearly, she wanted Sam to hear, but at the same time her tone suggested she wasn’t in the mood for a fight. 

“We’re in a committed relationship,” Sam seethed. Then, making a big show out of it, kissed her, grabbed her ass and said, “Gotta go, babe. I’ll text you later.” Eliza gave him a small wave as he walked away. 

“Where’s Alex?” She asked, taking her seat at the table and trying to switch the topic.

“We don’t know if he’s coming today,” John responded.

“Oh, I’ll text him,” Eliza said, whipping out her phone.

“Don’t bother. I’ve been texting him all morning. If he hasn’t responded to me, he certainly won’t respond to you,” John snapped. Eliza’s face fell. John had never spoken like that to her before.

“Oh, um, I…” Eliza stuttered. John, quickly realizing his mistake, tried to make up for it. 

“Eliza, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Eliza’s eyes were already brimming with tears. It was clear that the two of them incredibly worried about Alex, they just had different ways of showing it.

“I should go,” she whispered, wiping her eyes.

Angelica, taking charge as usual, stopped her. “Listen you two, we can’t do this. Not today, not for a while. Alex needs us, all of us. We can’t help him alone. We need to be a united front with one goal- to help Alex get through the shit that he’s been through the last few months. It’s not fair for you guys to be trying to one up each other, understand me?”

“I’m not trying to one up her, I’m dating Alex and she’s dating Sam,” John shot back. 

“I don’t care,” Angelica said with a harsher tone. “But there’s something going on and you have to put it aside for Alex, okay?”

At the same time, Eliza and John whispered with small voices, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took me a bit to update! I hope you like it! drop a comment or a kudos! I'd love to hear from you!
> 
> xoxo - Emily


	8. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was with his family."

A week or so later, it was Christmas morning and Alex was sitting in his bed, carefully writing in his black notebook. He was on the last page, so every word and sentence needed to be perfect. He didn’t want to finish it, but he figured if there were any good day to finish it on, it would be Christmas. As he reached the last line, he wrote in careful script: Merry Christmas Mom, I love you. –Alex.

Vanessa had spent the last two days decorating the apartment in Christmas overdrive. There was red and green everywhere, plus a huge tree in the corner of the apartment that he had helped her decorate with ornaments. There were even presents under the tree. Alex knew that none of them were probably for him; after all he had just gotten there. But he made sure to get Vanessa and Lin both cards and something small to show his appreciation. If he had more money he would’ve gotten them something bigger, but his little gifts were all he could afford that year. 

Around seven thirty, he heard Sebastian’s voice ringing down the hallway and that’s when he knew it was safe to come out. He passed Vanessa in the hallway, who said a quick, ‘Good morning, Alex. Merry Christmas,’ and then quickly went to go fetch Sebastian. Surprisingly, when he entered the kitchen, Lin was already up and flipping pancakes at the stove. 

“Morning,” Lin said with a cheery voice. “Let’s eat. Merry Christmas, bud.” He slid him a plate of pancakes and a bottle of syrup, then the two of them sat at the counter, happily eat breakfast together.

“Merry Christmas,” Alex replied. His dynamic with Lin so far had been fairly simple. Alex didn’t have to talk much because Lin would go on and on, telling stories and Alex personal, but not private questions. Most of the time when he was with Lin, he found himself smiling and he couldn’t say that about many people.

Lin was in the middle of a story about his first failure of a Christmas gift for Vanessa when Alex’s phone buzzed. Seeing John’s name on the screen, Lin paused in his story and gave him a quick nod, telling him to answer it.

John: Merry Christmas, Alexander. I love you. I have a gift for you. Can I see you today?

Alex looked up from his phone. “Lin, would it be okay if I went to the Washington’s today?” Alex asked. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw a small frown on the man’s face for just a second or two.

“Of course,” he said quickly. “You can go tonight. Maybe we’ll all go. I’d love to see George. But Christmas Day is for family, alright?”

Alex paused with a troubled look on his face. “Family?” He asked quietly.

Lin nodded his head. “Yeah, Alex. Family.” Alex smiled. He was family. Not even a second later, Alex’s phone buzzed again. “Quite the popular guy,” Lin chuckled. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” Alex laughed back.

Eliza: Merry Christmas, Alex! I forgot to give you my present at school, so I’ll do it soon, okay? I miss you. Have a happy holiday with Lin, Vanessa and Sebastian! Tell them I said hi!

After shooting back a reply to both John and Eliza, Alex said to Lin, “Eliza says happy holidays.”

“She’s a sweet one, that girl,” Lin replied. Right then, Vanessa walked in, holding Sebastian in her arms. They were both in festive pajamas, so Lin immediately took a picture of the two and quickly uploaded it to twitter. Alex thought it was sort of weird how the man was dedicated to his social media.

“Presents?” Vanessa asked and, not waiting for an answer, went to go sit by the tree with Sebastian. Lin and Alex quickly followed along because no one ever kept Vanessa waiting. She and Lin were both wonderful balls of energy, but Alex was careful not to get too close. The closer you get to people, the easier it is for them to hurt you, whether they make the choice or do so by dying.

There weren’t very many presents under the tree, but it was enough to make Alex wide-eyed. When he saw a box marked with his name, he was so taken aback that his mouth parted slightly and the only thing he could manage to do was lose himself in the lights of the trees. Shaking him from his trance, Lin said, “Alex, how you about you go first.” Then, he handed him the box he had seen before. “I’m sorry we only got you one, but Vanessa and I didn’t have much time and… well we just think this is the perfect gift.” 

Alex gave them both a weak smile. “You really didn’t have to get me anything,” He muttered. He couldn’t even bring himself to take the wrapping paper off. Instead, he just stared at its shiny front with his name sharpied in the corner. He didn’t deserve gifts. Too many things had gone wrong because of him. He was a burden, he was a killer, he was…

“I wasn’t joking when I said you were family, kiddo, and this is what family does for each other,” Lin replied. Vanessa smiled at her husband when he spoke. She had become attatched to the boy and was already beginning to think of him as family as well. It had only taken her a week to see the connection between Alex and her husband. It could only have been fate and a series of unfortunate events that brought them together and made them a family. 

Alex looked up from the gift and handed it to Lin. “Will you open it? I don’t think I can bring myself to.” It was an odd request, but he did want the gift to be opened and he just… couldn’t. He didn’t know what it was, but the guilt that he felt every night started to lay on him again so early that morning. Every act of kindness they showed him he felt like he didn’t deserve, especially the gift sitting in front of him.

“Sure,” Lin answered. Carefully, he unwrapped the gift and the label of a Macbook Air began to show. Alex didn’t know what he was expecting, but he certainly wasn’t expecting that. When Lin placed it in his hands, they started to shake again. They hadn’t done that in a few days. “Do you like it?” He asked when Alex didn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I love it,” Alex stuttered, but then quickly handed it back to the man. “But it’s too expensive. You have to return it, it’s way too much.”

“We can’t return it,” Vanessa quickly interjected. “It’s non refundable.”

“We see you writing in journals and things all the time and thought that this might help you write longer more in depth pieces. Of course, it’s for homework and all that too,” Lin added. 

“It’s perfect,” Alex sighed. “Thank you so much.” While Alex was still staring at the box, Lin and Vanessa began exchanging gifts with eachother as well as Sebastian. They didn’t get eachother anything too expensive; in fact all of the gifts seemed to be inside jokes between the two. Alex thought it was sort of cute how they laughed each time they unwrapped a gift. If he ever got married, he hoped he would be as in love as they were.

Finally, there were only two gifts under the tree; one addressed to Lin and the other addressed to Vanessa. Alex sort of sank into himself. After opening the gift he had just received, he really didn’t want them to open the ones that he bought for them.

“They’re nothing special, really,” Alex stuttered. “I should have gotten you something better, I just…”

“Alex, I’m sure they’re great,” Vanessa cut in. Lin decided to go first. When he opened the box, at first he was puzzled. On the inside were fifty or so newspaper clippings. After examining one for a moment, he realized that Alex himself wrote all of the articles.

“I know it’s not much, but you said you wanted to read some of the things I wrote so Angelica and I went through a lot of the old newspapers and cut them out,” Alex rambled. Like Alex had done earlier, Lin just stared his gift, reading the headlines and flipping through the articles. From his silence Alex assumed, “You hate it.”

Lin quickly looked up at Alex. “No, kiddo, I love it. This is the best present you could have given me. I’m just in awe at your writing. Vanessa, look at the this!” He handed a few to Vanessa, who began to read them excitedly.

“Alex, these are great!” She exclaimed. Alex’s cheeks flushed.“Thank you for doing this.” Lin continued to read the articles while Vanessa grabbed her present. “I can’t wait to open this now.”

“Don’t get too excited, really, I don’t even know if you’ll like it-” Alex was cut off by Vanessa’s gasp.

“This is beautiful,” she said, drawing a breath in. Inside the box was a fountain pen that Alex had found at a second hand store. He didn’t pay much for it, so he was hoping and praying that it would work the way it was supposed to.

“I thought you could use it to sign your fancy documents and other legal stuff,” Alex said quietly. She was making way too big a deal out of the gift. He knew it was shit. She probably already had a million stuffed in her desk.

“I love it. I’m going to use it everyday,” she smiled. Alex gave a weak smile back. Then, he made a mental note that if he were lucky enough to stay in the house, he would get them both better gifts next year. That would mean, of course, that he would have to not screw up for a whole year and that seemed pretty unlikely. His mom sent him a miracle in the form of Lin and Vanessa, but Alex knew that miracles didn’t last forever.

“Now, let’s go set up that computer!” Lin said to Alex. He was with his family. 

~

“Eliza! Sam’s here!” Mr. Schuyler called from the doorway. She had been watching the Polar Express with her sisters, but Sam’s arrival would be the end of her Christmas. The Schuylers had a lovely morning unwrapping gifts and sharing memories, and, although the gifts weren’t too expensive, each present seemed to be perfect and fitting.

“Coming!” Eliza called. Sam greeted her in the doorway with a wrapped present in his hand and a smile on his face. Angelica and Peggy followed closely behind, giving eachother looks of uneasiness while their father was grinning from ear to ear. He had no idea. “Merry Christmas, Sam,” she said politely. 

‘Merry Christmas, gorgeous,” he responded, placing a kiss on her cheek. 

“Well, how about we give you two some alone time,” Mr. Schuyler blurted out awkwardly, ushering the two upstairs. Eliza’s cheeks turned a deep shade of crimison while Sam just laughed and said ‘thanks’.

When they entered Eliza’s room and closed the door, Sam immediately took his place on her bed and patted it, as if telling her to sit next to him. “Here,” he said, shoving the present in her hands. “Open this.”

Once again, Eliza blushed and said, “Sam, you really didn’t have to get me anything.”

“But you’re my girl,” he responded. “I’d do anything for you, babe.” He had a smug smile on his face like he knew that the gift was good and that she was going to love it. Eliza, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure. Yes, they had been dating for a long time, but Sam didn’t really know her. She knew that she wasn’t the same around him.

Hesitantly, Eliza opened this gift to find a small box inside a larger one. She gasped, “Oh, Sam, you really shouldn’t have.” Carefully she pryed open the box and revealed a small, silver ring laced with what looked like real diamonds. “Is this real?” She asked, clarifying.

“Completely,” he answered. When she didn’t speak for a moment, he told her, “It’s a promise ring. Let me put it on you.” He took the ring out of the box and placed on her left ring finger. “So this way everyone knows that you’re mine and I’m yours. See? I have one too.” His was just a plain silver band, but still it meant so much more than that.

Eliza could not look away from the ring. “A promise ring?” She asked. “Does that mean you want us to be married someday?”

“Well, yeah. Don’t you?” He said, confused. “I know sometimes I say stupid shit but come on, Eliza, I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters anyway.”

“Right,” Eliza whispered. “It’s beautiful, Sam.”

~

After a long night at the Washingtons, Alex threw himself onto his bed and quickly opened his laptop to begin writing. He loved it; his sloppy handwriting didn’t have to ruin every piece that he wrote anymore. 

His night with John was perfect. He had given John a stuffed turtle with a red ribbon around his neck while John had framed a picture of the two of them for Alex to put in his room. Alex loved it because every time he woke up in the morning he would see John’s face, and that was the only thing he really needed to keep him going. 

Around midnight, Alex was still typing away at his computer when he heard a knock on the door. He knew Lin and Vanessa were asleep, so quietly he got up to see who was at the door. It didn’t make any sense. Who came to someone’s house at midnight on Christmas?

The face in the doorway stunned him. “E- Eliza,” he stuttered. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t respond, but instead fell into his arms, tears spilling all over his shirt. “Shh..” Alex whispered. “It’s okay. I know, I know. Shh…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a big thank you to everyone who has been so dedicated to reading this story! I love you!  
> quick reminder that I respond to all comments, so comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :)  
> next chapter next weekend! 
> 
> thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.  
> xoxo- Emily


	9. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't know where else to go."

The next morning, Alex found himself in one of the most awkward moments he had ever faced. Sure, he had been through some rough stuff, most more recently than he would have liked. But that stuff was only hard on him personally and he didn’t have to talk about it with anyone if he really didn’t want to. This, however, he had to explain to his foster parents the moment he walked out of his bedroom.

Alex groaned as he rolled over and saw Eliza’s sleeping, peaceful face on his bedroom floor. It wasn’t all a dream, like he had been wishing. He just thanked whoever was out there watching out for him that she wasn’t in his bed instead. Explaining that to John would be even harder. This was managable, though slightly uncomfortable. After all, he didn’t ask her to come over, and what kind of dick would kick a crying girl out that late at night? Plus, Eliza wasn’t just some random girl, she was… Eliza. 

Silently, Alex slipped out of bed as to not wake the girl on his floor. He was able to carefully open and close his door and quickly make his way down the hallway where he found Lin sipping coffee at the counter and Vanessa feeding Sebastian at the kitchen table.

When they noticed him, Lin gave Alex a cheery, “Good morning,” but was then taken aback by the stressed out look on the boy’s face and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Um, well, this is sort of difficult to explain.” Alex shut his eyes tight for a moment. He was a messed up kid. Messed up kids deserved to be punished. He kept screwing everything good in his life up. If he could only behave, then things would be okay. James always told him behave, but he never could, and now James was dead. 

“Well, just do your best,” Lin encouraged.

“I’m bisexual,” Alex blurted out. He almost covered his mouth when he said it. He hadn’t been planning on saying that to them, he had only planned on explaining the Eliza situation, but when he said the words they just felt right. Not only had he never come out officially to John or any of his close friends, he hadn’t been extremely sure about his sexuality himself. But when he told Lin, he just knew, and it felt like a small weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. 

Vanessa and Lin both looked up in some sort of shock. They both looked like they were about to say something, but Alex wouldn’t let them start. “I’m dating John Laurens and I’m completely faithful to him. There’s a girl- Eliza- sleeping on my bedroom floor right now. We didn’t do anything, I swear. She came over at an incredibly late hour last night and ended up staying the night because her dad didn’t want her to come back home. She was crying and I didn’t know what to do. Please don’t be mad; please. If you have to punish me, I understand. I can take it.”

Alex’s sentences were short and choppy, like he was trying to get a lot of information out at once but didn’t quite know how to explain it. He looked to his feet, waiting for the screaming match that was most likely about to ensue or the blow to his stomach that he probably deserved.

Lin gave a quick look to Vanessa to be clear that they were on the same page. “Kiddo, we’re not mad. How could we be mad when you did all you could to help a friend in need? Plus, it was brave of you to come out here and tell us all of that. If it makes you feel any better, we already knew about John,” Lin explained.

“You did?” Alex asked, looking up. “But how…”

“George told us the morning he asked if we would foster you. He explained that was why he couldn’t take you in himself,” Vanessa interjected. “Besides, the way you look at him is unmistakable anyway.” Alex immediately blushed.

“So what happened with Eliza?” Lin asked. Alex took a seat at the counter next to him, trying not to flashback to the night before. He didn’t want to get too emotional in front of his foster parents and he didn’t want to get too worked up over Eliza, but there was just something about her that kept drawing him in.

Slowly, Alex started to explain the events of Christmas night. After standing in the doorway with the girl wrapped around him, sobbing into his chest for a few moments, he was eventually able to get her to speak.

“I- I’m sorry,” she stuttered between tears. “I- I didn’t know where else to go.” Alex didn’t break their connection and kept his hands wrapped around hers.

“Eliza, what happened?” Alex asked, trying to get her to look him in the eye.

“It’s stupid,” she said, shaking her head.

“Obviously it’s not stupid,” he said with a gentle smile. Then, he took his thumb and wiped her tears just like he did the morning after he was taken from James’s house. Except those tears were ones of joy, these tears seemed frightened and utterly sad. “Let’s go to my room okay?”

Eliza nodded her head as Alex led her into his bedroom and took his place next to her on the bed. “You’re here, you’re safe, now please tell me what happened.” She paused for a moment; taking in a shaky breath then gave him her left hand, where he noticed a beautiful silver band around her finger. “What is this?” He asked, placing a finger on the ring.

“It’s a promise ring,” she whispered. “Sam gave it to me for Christmas.”

Confused, Alex asked, “What does that mean?”

“It means that someday we are going to get married. I am his and he is mine and there will be no other,” she whispered once again, tears brimming the edges of her eyes while they were still locked on the ring. Neither of them could look away from its silvery shine.

“And that isn’t what you want, is it?” Alex whispered, but it wasn’t really a question. He already knew the answer. Eliza may have pretended to be happy with the teenager that beat her friends and treated her like property, but everyone knew she wasn’t. Who would be?

Eliza shook her head and began to cry once again. She couldn’t help herself. She could see her future all the way to the horizon and it looked incredibly bleak. Sam wanted her for her body and her submissive nature that she adopted when she was around him; not for who she was. She knew that she was supposed to be more than a boring housewife.

Alex let Eliza cry into him again for a moment, but then had to ask, “Does anyone know you’re here?”

Eliza nodded. “My sisters,” she answered. “They were going to try to talk to my Dad, but he had a few drinks and, well, there’s no talking to him when he’s like that. They didn’t want me to be in the house, so they sent me here.”

“Do you want to stay the night?” Alex quickly asked. He didn’t want that girl going anywhere, especially home. “I can set up a bed for you on the floor. I’m sure it’ll be better than going home.”

“Yes please,” Eliza responded giving him a small smile. 

Once again, he wiped her tears and said, “It’s all going to get better soon. You helped me, now I’m going to help you, okay?”

“Okay,” Eliza whispered. 

For Alex, explaining the whole situation with Eliza was more than hard, it was near impossible. He and Eliza weren’t dating, not by any means, but they were closer than most. At the end of his story, he let out a breath and hoped for the best.

“Alex, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand. Why is Eliza still dating this boy if she’s so afraid of being with him? That’s not what love is,” Lin said carefully. He didn’t want to offend the boy with his accusation, but the situation didn’t make a whole lot of sense. 

Alex frowned. “Truth be told, I don’t really know. She and her sister’s haven’t officially told us anything about the nature of their relationship. I think it has something to do with their parents, but I’m not really sure.”

“Alex, I want to make it very clear that it is not your obligation to fix this girl’s problems just because she helped you. You should do whatever you can to help her, but I don’t want you feeling guilty over something you can’t change,” Vanessa warned. “Some things we just have to figure out on our own or within our own families.”

Suddenly, a small voice said from the hallway, “You’re right.” 

“Eliza-” Alex started. 

“No, Alex, this is something I have to fix on my own. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Miranda for letting me stay the night. I really appreciate it, whether you knew about it or not,” Eliza said with a smile on her face, but Alex knew right away that it wasn’t real. 

Before anyone could say a word, Eliza was out the door. Alex didn’t even ask before following right behind her. In the hallway that led to their building’s elevator, Alex called out, “Hold on, Eliza! Stop! Eliza!” Finally, she stopped, but Alex knew in the back of his mind that she was only stopping to wait for the elevator.

“Alex, I have to do this on my own. Please, just let me go,” Eliza said, her voice cracking. He could tell she was trying not to cry again. He wanted her to stay here with him and not go home to a house that didn’t love her as much as he did, but he knew he had to let her go, just like she said.

But, he couldn’t stop himself when he asked, “Are you going to break up with him?”

Eliza looked at the ground and bit her lip. She knew her answer, but she wasn’t looking forward to saying it to Alex. She didn’t want to let him down, but she knew what she had to do. “I- I can’t,” she stuttered.

“Why not?” He snapped. “Eliza! This guy is no good for you! You can’t keep that ring on your finger!”

“I have to,” Eliza said more calmly this time. She didn’t want to tell Alex everything. She didn’t want to tell him what her father was doing to her. She tried to keep her composure and plaster a smile on her face like she always did, because that was what she was expected to do.

“Why?” Alex asked, completely bewildered. He knew there was more to the story than she was letting on.

“It’s the right thing to do,” she sighed.

Almost completely ignoring what she said, Alex said, “Eliza, what are you afraid of? Who are you afraid of?”

She looked up to him like the boy had eyes that shined like there were a thousand stars hidden in them. She wanted to tell him the truth so badly, but then he would probably think of her differently. The Schuylers had been hiding their secret at school for so long that Eliza couldn’t imagine anyone, even Alex, knowing the truth. The truth meant she was going to make her Dad happy, no matter what the cost. It was the way it had to be. Eliza was the good one. She had always been the good one. She had been fighting for so long and now she was just… tired. 

“I’m not afraid of anyone, Hamilton,” she smiled. “I’m okay, I swear. Sam might be my forever, but that’s nothing I can’t handle.” The boy she was once more worried about than anything now looked at her like she was going to break if he even touched her.

Alex pulled her into a hug and kissed her on the forehead. For a moment, they just stayed there together. Alex knew there was nothing he could do except make sure Eliza was happy. In his mind, he vowed to do just that. 

Eliza, on the other hand, had only one thought in her head. She loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please drop a comment and a kudos! they're what keeps me writing this story! I promise I'll reply to every single one!
> 
> xoxo Emily


	10. Differences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How could he have let his guard down like that?"

“Where is your sister?” Mr. Schuyler bellowed across the room. “Girls, if you don’t tell me, I swear I’ll-”

“She’s on her way home, Daddy. She just went out early this morning to read a book at the park. She’ll be back soon, I promise,” Angelica explained. She could be level headed in difficult situations when Peggy usually could not be, so she often took the lead. But when it came to arguing with their father, Peggy was the one to go to. She was faithful to their family, but she always tried to defend what was right and it was obvious to everyone Eliza and Sam that their relationship was simply wrong.

“Good,” Mr. Schuyler huffed. 

“But Daddy,” Angelica said gently. She always took on a sweeter personality around their father. Even though they hated the man’s decisions, they still gave him a great amount of respect. “I believe Eliza is a little stressed out over the Sam situation, so please just try to be kind.”

“Why should she be stressed out? She’s going to be marrying into a very wealthy family and to a fine young man! She should be happy!” Mr. Schuyler responded. 

“Should is the key word there,” Peggy sarcastically remarked. “But she’s not happy, just like how Angelica isn’t happy about her forced dates with Aaron.”

“Peggy, we shouldn’t get into that now,” Angelica muttered.

“I’m providing for your future, young lady. This lifestyle doesn’t come from just anyone. Aaron Burr is a fine young man that Angelica is lucky to be with.” With that, Peggy was quiet. She knew her father could never understand someone not caring about a life of luxury. 

“Aaron Burr has no beliefs. He’s a conformist! He does whatever anyone tells him to do! It’s despicable,” Angelica said, standing up for herself. She and Aaron had been on a few dates. She tried to keep it hushed around her friends because she didn’t really want to be associated with Aaron. Besides, he went to Royal Academy, a prep school that nobody she knew would ever step foot in.

“It seems that you should learn a lesson from the boy if he listens to the parents in the way that you say,” Mr. Schuyler sneered.

Unfortunately, at that moment Eliza walked in the door. “Hello?” She said carefully. By the looks on her sister’s faces, things at the house still weren’t good. She had hoped things would have calmed down by now, but her father was constantly filled with rage. Everyone said she was more like her mother.

“And where have you been?” Mr. Schuyler asked with an accusatory tone to his voice. 

“In the park, Daddy, just like Angelica said,” Eliza responded. Her sister had sent her a text that morning with the cover story she had come up with.

“Well I hope that time allowed you to reconsider your attitude toward your inevitable future,” Mr. Schuyler said with a nicer, less angry tone.

“Yes, actually. I’ve though a lot about it,” Eliza said slowly. They all waited expectantly, each wanting very different responses to come out of her mouth. “I will do what you have asked me to, I’ll be with Sam. I’ll even marry him without a fight if it comes down to that. But, there’s a small condition.”

“Eliza! You can’t-” Peggy started to say, completely outraged.

“There are no conditions. I’m the father, I make the rules,” Mr. Schuyler shot back.

“Please, just listen to me! I’ll marry Sam and live a very comfortable life between both of our fortunes without a complaint. But, if I do as you say, Angelica and Peggy don’t have to have their spouses chosen for them like me. If they ever run into trouble, Sam and I can pay for their lives. They can live with us if need be. This way, everyone can be happy,” Eliza explained.

The whole room was silent for a moment. No one could believe what Eliza had just said. Everyone knew she wanted more than anything to leave Sam for good, and she was willing to stay with him forever, just so her sisters wouldn’t have to be subject to the same restraints. 

“Absolutely not,” Angelica said definitely. “I would rather live my whole life with Aaron Burr than have you stay with Sam for one more minute.”

"Me too," Peggy said, chiming in.

“Whether I’m with Sam or not is not the question. I think that is going to happen no matter what,” Eliza said pointedly at her father. “The question is whether I’m going to put up a fight.”

“You’re willing to do that for your sisters?” Mr. Schuyler asked, ignoring the other two. “You’re willing to provide for them?”

“I would do anything for my sisters,” Eliza stated.

“Eliza, no,” Peggy tried to interject.

“Peggy I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Fine, you know what girls? I’m done fighting with you about this. It’s been a constant, unending ridiculous conversation. If your sister has come up with a solution, then so be it. As long as you are all provided for and have a way to continue our respected name, then so be it,” Mr. Schuyler finished. “I’ll call the Burrs and inform them of the termination of your relationship, Angelica. I just hope this doesn’t bite you in the ass, girls.”

Peggy and Angelica stood there, looking defeated, while Eliza gave them both a weak smile and retreated to her room where she could be alone and cry for one final time. From then on, she needed to be strong for her family and everyone around her. Starting the next morning, a smile would be plastered on her face at all times, especially around Sam. 

~

“I’m sorry about Christmas,” Eliza said sweetly. “I just wasn’t all there. My mind was occupied by… other things. I really do love the ring.” 

Eliza and Sam were lying in Sam’s bed, her head on his chest. He had his hand wrapped around her left one and was twisting her ring as they both struggled to take their eyes off of it. Not only was the stone larger than anyone she had ever seen, there was more meaning behind that ring than anything she owned. It meant she was going to be with the boy that had his arms wrapped around her forever. Everytime she had a dark thought about their future engagement, she had to remind herself that what she was doing was for her sisters, and they were more important than anything.

“It’s okay babe, I could tell something was off with you,” Sam replied non-chalantly. “I can’t wait until we’re in our twenties, married, and away from all of the idiots in our high school.”

Eliza thought of Alex, John, and the rest of her friends from the paper. She tried to imagine a life without them and only Sam to keep her company. She shuddered at the thought, but knew that Alex would never leave her alone like that. 

“Yeah,” Eliza lied. Silently, she wished that she could stay in high school forever. A year and a half would never be long enough.

~

“Alex?” Lin asked, popping his head into Alex’s room. Then, seeing Alex on his bed, exclaimed, “Alex! Are you busy?”

“Just reading a book for school, so no, I’m not busy,” Alex replied, putting the book down on his lap. 

Lin, fully entering the room this time, asked, “Anything good?” He took a seat next to Alex on the bed and grabbed the book, studying the cover. “The Grapes of Wrath. A classic. You know, I used to be an English teacher.”

“You did?” Alex asked. He would have never guessed that. Lin seemed so dedicated to his work at the theatre, it was hard to imagine him doing anything else. Now that he thought about it, Alex didn’t know much about his work at the theatre, though. He just knew that he was always there.

“We all have to start somewhere,” Lin responded. “I loved it. English is fascinating.”

“When did you stop?” Alex asked, trying to learn more about the man.

“2007,” Lin said, giving no more explanation. “Anyway, I was thinking that maybe you might want to come with me to work today.”

“You want me to come to the theatre with you?” 

“Yeah! I mean, only if you want to, but I think it’d be fun,” Lin remarked. 

“Okay, sure,” Alex said nonchalantly. He was trying to not make a big deal out of this, but the truth was, he was incredibly excited. Lin had barely told him anything about his work and he had been dying to see what a real writer did in rehearsal. It was like a dream.

~

In the taxi cab on the way over, Lin said, “Now, keep in mind, we’re only workshopping right now. It’s not done yet. We’re opening at this off-broadway theatre in a month or two. So don’t be too critical.” Lin gave him a look with a sparkle in his eye.

“Do you think the show will make it to Broadway?” Alex asked. He knew nothing about the whole process, but was eager to learn. 

“I honestly have no idea, but I do have a gut feeling that there’s something special about this show. I’m hoping it works out, bud, I really am,” Lin replied. Within a few minutes, they were at the theatre. Lin quickly paid the driver and ushered Alex out of the car, excited to see his reaction.

Alex stepped onto the pavement and looked up at the big sign displaying the name of Lin’s show. “Your show is called Adams?” Alex asked with an eyebrow raised. “Like, John Adams? From the Revolutionary War and stuff?” 

Lin’s face fell a little bit at Alex’s confusion but he quickly picked it back up. “Yes, and I promise, it’s not as lame as it sounds.” 

With a bouncy step, Lin walked into the theatre while Alex trailed close behind him. When they entered the theatre, they were greeted by a million unknown faces that just seemed to adore Lin. They all had questions for him, but Lin made sure to introduce Alex to everyone they spoke to. 

The one that stuck out the most to Alex was a boy with curly hair and freckles that couldn’t have been much older than Alex himself. Immediately, he reminded Alex of John. “Hey, you must be Alex! I’m Anthony,” he said, sticking out his hand for Alex to shake. “Lin has told us all so much about you.”

Alex gave him a weak smile. The commotion in the theatre was deafening. He found himself wanting rehearsal to start more than anything, just so he could take a breather. He flashed smiles back at everyone who did so to him, but he knew that he really couldn’t take much more of it without having to leave the building. He didn’t always do so well in crowds.

Luckily Lin, without evening knowing, always did things right on time. “Alright everyone, take a seat!” He called out from center stage. Alex went to take a seat towards the back of the group, trying to stay out of the way, but Anthony waved him over to where he and another girl were sitting. 

“Can’t have you sitting alone,” he whispered. 

“I’m Jasmine,” the girl said, shaking his hand. “It’s very nice to meet you, Alex.” Alex would have replied, but Lin was very keen on getting the rehearsal started. 

“Hello! I am so very excited to rehearse today because it is no oridinary rehearsal. My foster son, Alex, is here today and he’s one of the best writers I know. His work rivals mine in all areas! He’s here to see what we’ve been working on, so let’s give him a great performance. Alright everybody? Act one, scene one. Let’s go!” 

Lin boasting about Alex like a proud Dad made him blush. Without knowing, he had sunk a little farther into his seat in embarrassment. It had been a long time since he felt that way. As the lights in the house dimmed, Alex settled in and tried to focus on the show rather than the fact that everything about Lin felt like family.

~

The show wasn’t done; not by any means. All the actors were standing at mics and the songs weren’t completed fully. Alex had to admit that the show was genius, but every since he heard the first few opening lines, an anger bubbled inside him that he just could not let go of. 

The words replayed over and over in his mind. ‘A bastard, orphan, son of a whore…’ All words that described his situation. The character John Adams was being played by Lin himself. He felt betrayed. He felt like a stupid piece in some game Lin had been playing this whole time. How could he have let his guard down like that?

“Alex! What did you think?” Lin asked after the rehearsal ended.

Alex stood up and quietly said, “I think I should go.” 

“Alex, what?” Lin said, touching his arm as he tried to turn away. “Bud, if you don’t like it, it’s okay. Just be honest with me.”

“Be honest with you?” Alex asked tears brimming his eyes. “Fine. I’ll be honest. I understand everything now. You didn’t take me in out of the kindness of your heart; you took me in to study me and my life to find inspiration for this goddamn show! You don’t like me, you like my character and it’s very clear after watching this that you don’t care about me at all! You just want to understand my story! Once the show is over, you’ll probably just get rid of me because that’s all anyone ever does!”

“Alex-”

“I thought you were different, but you’re using me just like everyone else,” Alex cried. “I thought you were different…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH i'm sorry this took forever. I will be more on time from now on. Drop a comment or a kudos? They keep me going. Love you love you love you.
> 
> xoxo  
> Emily


	11. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nothing would make me happier."

After screaming at Lin the way he did, Alex ran out into the street in anger. Realizing that he had nowhere to go, he pulled out his phone to call John. He started to walk down the street and turned the corner before Lin came out of the theatre and tried to take him home.

John picked up after a few quick rings. “John,” Alex said, surprised at the break in his own voice. “I need to come over. Lin and I got into this huge fight and…” Alex couldn’t say anymore. He didn’t want to talk about it over the phone.

“I’ll meet you halfway. Where are you?” John asked.

Alex looked up at the Marquis and said, “The Public Theatre. I’m ten blocks away.”

“I’ll start walking now,” John replied. 

“Thank you,” Alex said in a small voice. Then, he poked his head around the corner and saw Lin standing outside of the theatre frantically calling out his name. When he got no response, he whipped out his phone and suddenly Alex’s lit up with Lin’s name on the screen. He was calling him, but Alex denied it. He really didn’t want to talk to Lin right now and for good reason.

With that, he ran down the street, his phone continuing to buzz in his pocket from the constant stream of calls from Lin. He was determined to get to John as fast as possible. John could make it okay; he always did. 

Finally, after seven blocks or so of Alex sprinting through pedestrian traffic on the sidewalk, he finally saw John walking toward him.

When they met, John pulled Alex into him and held him there for a second before saying, “Let’s go into this coffee shop. We shouldn’t do this here, and I have a feeling you don’t want to talk to George and Martha about this.”

“Not particularly,” Alex muttered. They walked hand in hand into the coffee shop where John then ordered them both mochas and insisted on paying. Alex knew that was a fight he would never win. George was a lawyer and came from a lot of money and because of that, John got a hefty allowance. However, he saved most of it. John liked things to be predictable and safe when most of his life wasn’t.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” John asked when they had settled into their booth.

Alex completely unloaded onto John and told him the whole plot line of the show Lin had written. During the course of telling him the story, Alex’s phone rang twice. The third time it rang, John became agitated.

“Don’t you think you should answer that? He’s probably worried sick about where you are.”

“I don’t want to talk to him,” Alex stated. “He’s using me, John! I’m tired of being used.”

“Alex, I know. It’s awful, but you really need to think about what you’re doing here. Lin has been really good to you. Finding another foster home like this one is going to be near impossible,” John explained.

Alex frowned. “What are you trying to say?”

“You’ve got a good thing going here. I just think you should try to hear him out,” John said carefully. “Call him back.” He slid Alex’s phone back to him.

Alex picked up the phone and played with it in his hands. One thing Alex both loved and hated about John was that he was usually right. Nothing before this moment had made Alex think badly of Lin. Maybe John was right, maybe he had this all wrong, but he couldn’t help the anger he felt inside of him.

“Will you call him for me?” Alex asked, knowing that he most likely couldn’t do it himself.

John gave Alex a slight disapproving look, but then picked up the phone. “Lin? Yes, yes he’s okay. He’s with me. We’re at a coffee shop downtown. Yes, okay, I’ll bring him home. Thanks.” After John hung up, Alex looked at him with expectant eyes. “He didn’t sound mad, just scared to death,” he told him. 

Alex sighed. He felt oddly guilty, but he was the one who was supposed to be mad at Lin, not the other way around. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had disappointed him. “I love you,” Alex said.

John smiled. “I love you too. Let’s get you home.”

~

“Vanessa, I just don’t get it. One minute he was fine and the next minute he was in tears. I’m not even completely sure of what I did to be honest. He was talking so fast,” Lin rambled to his wife. Vanessa had come home early from work after getting a frantic phone call from her husband.

“Slow down, it’s going to be okay. This is the first fight you’ve had with him and there are going to be more in the future. We’ll get through this,” Vanessa said, trying to be the voice of reason.

“No, ‘Nessa you weren’t there. This was a big fight. He’s questioning everything about his relationship with me,” Lin rebutted. He was sitting at the breakfast bar with his head in his hands, running them through his hair. “Damn it,” he muttered to himself.

Vanessa came over and took a seat next to him, then placed her hand on one of his in comfort. “Maybe we should try calling him again?” Vanessa suggested.  
“I’ve tried a thousand times. He doesn’t want to talk to me,” Lin sighed.

“Lin, we’re still his parents and our job is to make sure he’s safe. Right now, we have no idea where he is and have no idea if he’s okay.”

“You’re right, you’re always right. I’ll call him.” Lin picked up the phone and dialed Alex’s number. After a few rings it went to voicemail. Lin frowned and put his phone down again. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Give him a few minutes. If he doesn’t call us back soon, then we’ll call the Washingtons and all of his friends until we find him. We’ll find him, hon,” Vanessa comforted.  
Lin placed a kiss on her lips. “I love you, you know that?”

Vanessa laughed. “I know.” He made her laugh everyday.

There was a moment of silence, but then to the surprise of both of them, the phone rang. They stared at it for a second, but then Lin quickly grabbed it answered it. “Hello?” He asked, frantic. “Oh, John, thank god. Is Alex okay? Where is he? Can you bring him home? Thank you so much John.”

Vanessa and Lin breathed a sigh of relief. Alex was safe and he was coming home.

~

“Okay, take a deep breath before you go through the door,” John said when they reached the apartment. 

Alex did what he was told, but then asked, “What do you mean? You’re not going with me?”

“Alex, you know I would, but this is between you and Lin,” John explained. Alex nodded. He knew John was right. This is something he needed to do on his own. 

“Thank you,” Alex said with a smile. John wrapped his hands around Alex’s waist and leaned down to kiss him. Immediately, all the stress and anger that Alex had inside him melted away. John’s touch tended to do that for him.

“Okay, I’m going to go. Are you going to be alright?” John asked with a tender touch on his arm.

“Yeah,” Alex said with a weak smile. “I just can’t quite figure out how to move my legs.”

John chuckled and leaned in for another kiss. “How about now?”

“They seem to be working just fine now,” Alex replied. “Your kisses are magic, I think.”

“Not magic, just persuasive,” John concluded. 

“John I really might have messed this up,” Alex said, biting his lip and looking at the ground. He was still upset about the possibility of Lin using him, but in the long run, he needed a home. They didn’t hit him and what did it matter if they didn’t actually like him or love him. He could live with the lies as long as he didn’t have bruises.

“Hey, look at me. You didn’t screw anything up. You and Lin just need to talk about it. George and I fight all the time and things always turn out better than they were before after we talk.” John turned the handle for him. “Alex, remember, he’s nothing like James, okay? Lin, he’s- he’s good. I can tell.”

Alex nodded his head and took the handle from him. As soon as John turned his back on him, Alex entered the apartment. He had to make this right, but he couldn’t help still feeling betrayed. It was an odd feeling, wanting forgiveness and at the same time wanting an apology. 

Hesitantly, he stepped through the doorframe and before he could even get a word out, Lin was running toward him. Lin grabbed his shoulder and enveloped him in an embrace that was so tight Alex felt like he was going to explode. “Oh, Alex thank god you’re home. Thank god you’re safe. I thought we lost you for a minute there.”

Out of all of the possibilites Alex had thought of, Lin basically crying out of joy when he got home was not one of them. He expected yelling and screaming in anger and he was trying to wrap his mind around the idea of Lin actually being grateful that he was home.

Lin pulled Alex away from him and with both hands on his shoulders, said, “Don’t ever scare us like that again, Alex.” The slight angry tone in Lin’s voice brought Alex back to a time he’d rather forget.

Immediately he said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t send me away. I shouldn’t have run like that, I was just angry and-”

“Alex, hold on,” Lin stopped him. “We’re not sending you away. We’re never doing that, you understand? No matter what happens, no matter what you do, we’re not making you go to another foster house.” Alex stood there, completely stunned. Nobody had ever sad anything like that to him since his Mom died. “As for the show, Alex I want you to know that I never intended on using you for inspiration. Don’t get me wrong, you’re an inspiring kid, but you’re so much more than that.”

Alex didn’t know what to say. He was feeling so many different things at once that all he could do was step forward and embrace Lin full force. For the past few months, Lin had always been the one to hug him, so he knew that Alex making the first move was incredibly special.

“What’s this?” Lin chuckled, running his hand through the boy’s hair.

“I just- I’m really sorry, that’s all. I was wrong,” Alex responded, continuing to stay wrapped around the man.

“No, no you had every right to think what you did. I should have warned you.” Lin pressed his lips to the top of Alex’s head, and for a moment they just stayed there and Alex had a strange feeling of everything just being right. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” Lin asked. “You know, we never got around to watching that second Harry Potter movie and I know Vanessa has been dying to watch it again.” He gave a pointed glance to Vanessa who had been standing by the breakfast bar the whole time, watching Lin work his verbal magic with the boy she was proud to call her son.

“Yeah, I’ve been dying to know how it ends,” Alex smiled.

“Oh kiddo, we’re just getting started.” With that, Lin, Alex, and Vanessa, who went to grab Sebastian, sat on the couch together as a family.

~

Two full Harry Potter movies later, Alex was lying down with his head on Lin’s lap, while Sebastian layed on Lin’s stomach and Vanessa leaned on his shoulder. It would have been a really cute family photo, if only someone had been there to take their picture.

As the credits rolled across the screen, Lin shook Alex and Vanessa awake but was careful not to wake Sebastian. With a yawn, Vanessa took Sebastian from Lin’s arms and sleepily walked down the hallway to put him down.

Almost like a zombie, Alex made his way to his bedroom with Lin following closely behind. “Do you need anything mijo?” Lin asked when they reached his door.  
Alex looked at him with wide, deer like eyes. He may have not been fluent in Spanish anymore, but anybody alive knew that mijo meant ‘son’ in Spanish. Suddenly, he knew exactly what he needed. “Lin, do you think that, um, maybe I could call you my Dad?”

Lin burst out in the widest grin Alex had ever seen him produce. He didn’t stutter for one second when he said, “Nothing would make me happier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! early update! I hope you liked it, lots of fluff after way too many chapters of pain. drop a comment or a kudos? I reply to every single comment because they keep me writing for you all.
> 
> so much love  
> xoxo  
> -Emily


	12. Laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have so much work to do."

As John sat in a taxi on the way back to his house, he stared at his phone screen waiting patiently for a text or call from Alex to know that things went well. He loved the direction he was heading with Alex, especially through all of the shit he had been through these past few months. Through everything, Alex always made time for him and somehow still loved him.

For a while after James did unmentionable things to Alex, he was hesitant in touching or kissing him in anyway. He was afraid that if he went too fast, Alex wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. But, even after everything, Alex was never hesitant with John. He was the one person Alex never doubted, and for that he couldn’t have been more grateful.

Finally, while sitting in traffic during the long ride home, John’s phone finally lit up with a picture of Alex on the screen. He quickly accepted the call. “Hey, Alex. How’d it go?”

“Really well. Better than I ever would have imagined, actually. I think this is real, John. I think I’m part of a family,” Alex replied. John could practically hear the smile on his face through the phone.

“That’s amazing,” John beamed.

“I know. We’re going to go watch Harry Potter now, but I ran out before it started so that I could call you.”

“Oh, Alex, I’m so happy for you. Go watch your movie now, okay?” John insisted.

“Okay,” Alex said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” John couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. 

The traffic he and the cabbie were sitting in was immense. The way people drive in New York City is insane. They accelerate at the drop of a dime and are constantly slamming on the breaks. John much preferred to ride the subway, but his house was pretty far away from the Miranda’s, and it was getting late so George insisted he took a cab this time.

John Laurens had never been one to think about death. The only time he had ever felt like he really wanted to die was when he was livng in his birth father’s house. He had never tried to commit suicide, not really. He just wanted to feel something more than hopelessness. His father made him feel like less than a person and an embarrassment to the family and to his deceased mother. But, as soon as he was placed in the Washington’s house, all of those feelings melted away. But just like Alex, feeling loved took him a little getting used to.

So, when John Laurens was in the middle of a busy intersection in New York City and watched another cab race toward him at forty miles an hour, he didn’t know what to think. 

They say that in the moment before death, your life flashes before your eyes. John had always been skeptical about this, as he was of most supersitions. Unfortunately, he lived to know the truth. 

First, he saw his mother and her smiling face above him as if he was a small child once more.

Then, he saw her hospital room and the flatline of the monitor. 

Next, he saw his father screaming at him which then quickly switched to his bedroom, where he had often been forced to stay out of fear of coming out to greet his father.

Then, he saw the Washingtons’ and their smiling faces that had once saved him from the nightmare he was living.

Then, he saw Alexander on the first day they met. He was so small back then. 

He saw Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, Lafayette, and Hercules. He saw them all laughing and writing together for the paper. He felt at peace.

And then he saw Alexander. And Alexander kissing him. And Alexander crying. And Alexander smiling.

There he was. He saw the love of his life smiling back at him.

And then, he saw nothing. 

~

Even in his groggy state, Alex couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face. He had just gotten into bed and everything between he and Lin was just the way it should be. He had a dad for the first time in his life. 

It turned out that it wasn’t even that late. He had thought they watched two Harry Potter movies, but it turned out that they only watched one. Alex couldn’t believe how much they could fit into one movie. He hoped to write a story like that one day.

Just as he settled into bed, his phone rang with Mr. Washington’s face lighting up on the screen. Confused, Alex picked it up and said, “Hello?”

“Alex, John has been in a car accident. He’s at the hospital right near our house. Please, Alex, come quickly. We don’t know how much time he has left,” Alex heard George say through the phone.

Suddenly, everything in Alex’s world became silent. The cars he heard outside that had once been blaring their horns only became white noise. He swore he couldn’t even hear his own breathing.

As if his body took over for him, he heard his own, small voice say, “Okay,” and then press the end call button on his phone. 

He felt his legs walk out of his bedroom and into Lin’s where with one look in the man’s eyes, he was brought back to reality. “John was in a car accident. I need to go to the hospital.”

Lin’s smile from earlier events immediately dropped. “Of course, let’s go now.” He kissed Vanessa on the cheek and pulled on his jacket. “I’ll call you if it gets serious, but you should get some sleep.”

The look in Vanessa’s eyes said she wanted to protest, but she knew there wasn’t much she could do sitting in the waiting room with Alex. Plus, Sebastian wasn’t very old and if he was in the hospital he could get sick. It killed her, but she knew she needed to stay behind. “Alex?” She said to him. He walked over to her and allowed her to put her hands on his. “We love you, okay sweetheart? It’s going to be alright.” 

Alex gave her a dazed nod and then followed Lin out the door.

~

“Alex, Lin, thank god you’re here. You can come in now if you’d like, the others are already waiting inside…” Alex was sure that George had said more but the room began to spin and he really couldn’t process anything anymore. 

All he knew that was seconds later, he was in a hospital room filled with the people he and John loved the most. Martha, Lafayette, Hercules, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy were all standing at his bedside. 

The sight of John himself nearly killed Alex. He was bruised and cut up everywhere with bandages on his head and more. His eyes were closed. If Alex hadn’t known the situation well, he could have pretended he was sleeping. John looked so peaceful when he slept.

After a moment of pure shock, Alex ran to the boy’s bedside and kneeled close to his face, not hestitating to grab his lifeless hands. “Is he going to be okay?” He asked no one in particular. Tears were brimming his eyes and he couldn’t look away from his love’s face.

The room was quiet. They all looked to George for the answer, as most of them didn’t know the answer themselves. Everything had happened so fast. Martha let out a small cry. She leaned into George as she held his hand and tried not to lose herself. The Schuyler sisters were all interlocked while Hercules and Lafayette had their arms wrapped around one another. The only similarity between all of them being that nobody could look away from John and Alex in the center of the room. 

“John is dying, Alex,” George said with a shaky voice. “He- he doesn’t have much time left. They tried everything.”

“No, no,” Alex whispered. “No, I can’t lose you too.” He wiped a few tears from his cheek and looked up at George. “How did this happen?”

“A car hit his taxi in an intersection on the way back from your house,” George told him. “It’s my fault, I told him to take a taxi, I thought it would be safer.”

“Don’t you dare put that on yourself,” Martha scolded. George nodded, but his eyes were still clouded and his face still white as a sheet of paper.

Alex didn’t say it out loud, but he felt the blame as well. If he hadn’t freaked out on Lin earlier, John would have had no reason to be in a cab that late at night going across town. He was the reason John was lying in that hospital bed. He was the reason John was dying.

“I just want to talk to him,” Alex breathed, his eyes wandering up and down John’s body. He gripped the boy’s hand a bit tighter. Having a second thought, he whispered, “If you can hear me, give me a sign. Please, anything.”

Alex waited expectantly and after a second, he sighed. Then, to his surprise, John’s thumb rolled over his own. His eyes were still closed and his body was still lifeless, but there was no mistaking the small movement he made.

Alex drew in a breath. “If you can hear me, I-I love you. I’m so sorry John. You don’t deserve this. I’m sorry,” he cried into the boy. “How am I ever going to live without you?”

Everyone else in the room had already said their goodbyes to John, knowing that Alex was on the way and would need his time. Nobody spoke as they watched Alex. It was heartbreaking, to say the least.

Among the Schuyler sisters, there was a vibe in the air that anybody not related to them would understand.

“Angelica?” Eliza whispered.

Angelica looked down at her younger sister and the tears rolling down her face and knew that they were not only tears of pain, but also tears of regret. “I know,” she whispered back. Then, they both turned their attention back to Alex and John.

“I love you,” Alex repeated over and over again.

Then there was the flatline of the monitor that the whole room had been expecting, but hoped would never arrive.

“No,” Alex whispered, but then his whisper turned into a scream. “No! No!”

Martha couldn’t hold it in any longer. She broke down into loud, heavy tears.

George could only stare straight ahead. The tears wouldn’t come, but the pain he felt was immense. He lost his son.

Hercules looked down at his feet, his mouth open in shock and a few tears rolling down his cheeks. John was his best friend. He had been there for John since he was two, and now he was witnessing his last breath.

Lafayette held onto Hercules tighter than ever before. He knew then that Lafayette was the light and the love of his life. He couldn’t imagine losing him, ever. He didn’t ever want to let go.

Peggy balled up her fists in anger. She needed to hit something, and fast, or she was going to lose it too.

Angelica was trying to understand. It didn’t make any sense. John was a good person. In fact, he was one of the only genuine people she knew. Out of all the terrible people in the world, he had to die? Things were just getting better. Why did everything have to fall apart again? All she wanted to do was kill the person who had enough nerve to get in his or her damn car and kill John.

Eliza realized what it felt like to be truly hurt and to be truly loved. She realized the mistakes she had made. Every breath she drew in was shaky and unstable as she watched someone she loved lose himself. John Laurens didn’t deserve to die. Alexander Hamilton deserved to be loved by John Laurens forever, and Eliza knew this down to her core.

Lin felt grief for his son’s first love. He knew that now, more than ever, he would need to be a Dad. 

Alex was lost. His vision was blurry and his heart ached. Nurses and doctors heard his screams and cries down the hallway. There were no words to explain Alex’s pain. 

“I have so much work to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> xoxo  
> -Emily


	13. Non Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Some people need that to survive."

“Alex hasn’t eaten or slept in a month, I swear,” Vanessa whispered from the breakfast bar where she was standing shoulder to shoulder with Lin watching Alex. “All he does is stare at his computer screen.”

“You’ve been giving him those melatonin pills at night, haven’t you?” Lin asked in the same whisper fashion.

“Every night. But whenever I wake up to check on Sebastian at two in the morning, he’s still awake. At dinner, he barely touches his food. I’m worried about him, Lin,” Vanessa replied.

“He lost the love of his life less than two months ago, ‘Nessa. I give the boy credit for just getting out of bed in the morning,” Lin sighed. 

“Forget getting out of bed, he’s working himself to death,” Vanessa argued. Even as they were speaking, Alex’s eyes were frantically looking up and down the screen. He would scroll the document he had open every few seconds and then he would start quickly type something new.

“Some people need that to survive,” Lin said simply. “I know that I do.”

Vanessa leaned her head onto Lin’s shoulder and sighed. “He still needs to sleep.”

“Hey, you know that thing we talked about? That legal thing?” Lin asked her quietly.

Vanessa raised her eyebrows. “Yes…”

“I was thinking that maybe we could do that soon. I thought it would be really special if we did it Friday,” Lin hinted, trying not to say too much out of fear that Alex would hear them.

“I think that would be perfect,” Vanessa replied with a smile.

“Dad?” Alex interrupted, not looking away from his computer. It was clear he hadn’t heard a word they said. “When’s your opening night?”

Lin raised his eyebrows. Alex hadn’t been asking about the show lately, he had been so focused on things at school. Slowly, as Alex watched Lin’s process, he realized the genius of the show. More than anything he wanted to see his opening night at this off-broadway theatre. “It’s Friday, actually,” Lin said, running his hands through his hair anxiously. “We’ve still got so much work to do. I mean, we just decided that we didn’t even have time to try any sort of blocking with act two.”

Alex closed his laptop to look up at Lin. “The words will speak for themselves, I’m sure.”

Lin and Vanessa both went over to the couch to sit with Alex. They hadn’t had many moments with him lately, as he was usually either locked in his room or writing in some coffee shop downtown. They understood he needed his time alone, but they missed their son, especially with Lin being at rehearsal sixteen plus hours a day. “I hope so, kiddo. I’m really proud of this one.”

“Lin, I was – um- wondering if maybe I could come to the show Friday,” Alex stuttered. He held his breath. Lin would say no, of course, he was expecting it. He had basically shit on his show the first time he saw it. He would say there weren’t enough tickets. Alex would do his best not to cry, but it seemed that that’s all he could do lately.

“Of course!” Lin said immediately. “I’ll admit I already secured your ticket months ago.”

Alex wasn’t expecting to get this far, but there was more he wanted to ask of Lin. “Do you think I could take Eliza?”

“I’m sure I can figure something out,” Lin smiled. Vanessa squeezed Lin’s hand. This was good. 

“Thanks,” Alex said quietly, then opened his laptop and continued to type.

Vanessa nudged Lin. There was obviously something else that Lin was supposed to say, but it seemed that he was a bit nervous to do so. “Mijo,” Lin said carefully. “You don’t have school these next few days, do you?”

“Nope,” Alex replied nonchalantly. He was barely looking at Lin, much less reading his uneasy expression. Most of the time, the only thing on Alex’s mind was getting back to work.

“Well, I was thinking that maybe you’d like to come to rehearsals? I could always use your opinion and I think it might be fun,” Lin said, swallowing hard. He didn’t think the boy would want to come considering the last time he went to a rehearsal he ran away. “We’re getting really close to the finish line here, but it doesn’t feel finished.”

“You want my help?” Alex asked, confused. Maybe he could look up from his writing just this once. 

“Well- um- yeah,” Lin stuttered. “Only if you want.” Vanessa discreetly rolled her eyes. The two of them were being ridiculous. They were always so careful around eachother when they asked things or wanted something. But to Vanessa it was clear that they loved one another more than they would ever know. They both wanted eachother’s respect and approval. 

“Yeah, totally,” Alex said with a slight, sad smile. “It’ll take my mind off of, well, everything.”

Lin shifted uneasily. Death was easier to write about than to experience, and to see Alex lose one of the biggest parts of his life in the matter of an hour was unbearable. The first few weeks after they lost John, Alex’s sobs would consume him at least once a day. Something would remind him of John and he just wouldn’t be able to take it. Lin had to leave rehearsal once or twice to pick him up from school, even though when he got there Alex would try to convince him that he was fine. He would later find out that Alex had a panic attack in the middle of class or broke down crying in the midst of a crowded hallway.

He missed John. John was the one constant in his life, and to have that taken away was something he never thought he’d have to experience. He’d been through shit, yes, more shit than most adults his age had been through. But he thought that if John was by his side, he could take anything. He didn’t just lose a love; he lost his best friend.

“Good, this’ll be good,” Lin said mostly to himself. 

Alex just gave the man a small smile and tried to push the thought that nothing was ever really good out of his mind.

~

Around the same time that day, the Schuyler sisters were sprawled out on Eliza’s bed and floor while Angelica went over plans for the paper and the other two attempted to get some of their homework and articles done.

Eliza, distracted by her phone, announced. “Oh! Alex just texted me!”

“He’s always texting you,” Peggy remarked.

Eliza scowled. “Shut up! He invited me to go to the opening night of Adams, you know, that play his dad wrote.”

“That’s the hottest ticket in town right now,” Angelica replied with a half-hearted laugh. “You should go, or else my date tomorrow with John Church will be for nothing.”

Eliza gave her a sympathetic, guilty look. A lot had changed in the past two months in the Schuyler house. After the death of John Laurens, Eliza couldn’t handle dating Sam anymore. She thought she could live with him forever, but the thought of living her life without any love was killing her. Angelica could easily see this; in fact, she saw it that very day in the hospital room. Eliza loved Alex, whether she said it out loud or not. Even if he wasn’t her one, she couldn’t live with someone as despicable as Sam for the rest of her life without going insane.

So, when Eliza told her father that their deal was off, that she was breaking up with Sam, he threw a fit. He made it very clear that one of his daughters needed to be dating someone of wealth and status. Eliza tried to tell him about Alex and the rise of his foster family’s status, but he wouldn’t hear anything of it. An immigrant, foster child was not capable of becoming wealthy or of prominent status in his eyes.

Peggy had nothing to offer. She was only a freshman and still unsure of her own sexuality. Besides, their father didn’t see Peggy as a woman would be taking a husband in the proper manner anyway. She was too difficult.

Angelica, however, knew what she needed to do. As she watched Eliza beg and plead through tears, she made her decision. She told her father that she would step in and marry whomever he chose as long as it was not Aaron Burr. 

Angelica had never loved anyone, at least, not the way Eliza did. The only people she knew in this world that she loved were her sisters, and she would do anything for them. As long as she had her sisters, she didn’t need the love of her life standing by her side. 

Eliza immediately shot her down, saying that she would find someone else. She didn’t think she could live watching Angelica be forced into a relationship that wasn’t her own choice, especially if it was her fault.

But, as always, Mr. Schuyler made the final decision. He said that he was tired of Eliza’s hysterics and thought that Angelica would be a prime candidate for a wealthy, prominent husband. She was intelligent, beautiful, and witty. Mr. Schuyler knew that boys would be lining up at their door for her. 

So, within a week, Mr. Schuyler found the boy for Angelica. His name was John Baker Church, also an attendant of Royal Academy like Aaron Burr. John and Angelica got along well. They had their differences, but they both knew what was expected of them, so they made it work. They went on dates, texted every day, and hung out as much as they wanted. They made a good partnership and Angelica knew that someday she might learn to love him.

“Is it a date?” Peggy asked, bringing Angelica and Eliza back to reality.

“I don’t know,” Eliza frowned. “I don’t think so. We’re just friends.”

“There’s nothing ‘friendly’ about the way he looks at you,” Angelica replied.

“John was the love of his life. My feelings about him aren’t going to change that.”

“Yes, but there was a reason John was always jealous of you,” Angelica observed. “Alex sees something in you, and if I know my Hamilton, he can’t go too long without having someone to love. John would have wanted him to be happy.”

“He needs time,” Eliza said quietly. “I’m here for him, no matter what.”

“His articles have been really introspective and edgy lately. I suppose grief does that to you,” Angelica said, flipping through Alex’s latest article.

“I swear, this paper is going to shit when you graduate. I mean, who will be in charge, Thomas?” Peggy laughed.

“Over my dead body,” Angelica said with a grave tone. 

It was no secret that Angelica was graduating in three months and then in five would be following John over to the University of London where they would both be getting their undergraduate degrees. It was a sore subject for the three girls, as they had never spent that much time apart.

“We vote in May. I’m sure Thomas will want to run, though I’m not sure about Alex,” Eliza said, trying not to think about Angelica’s absence.

“Aaron is transferring to our school, maybe he’ll run,” Angelica pointed out.

“Hm, a preppy, rich kid as president of our school paper. That sounds like my cup of tea,” Peggy said, rolling her eyes. 

“Yeah, good luck next year,” Angelica laughed. Eliza and Peggy just groaned.

~

“Ah! You brought the kid to rehearsal again! How’s it going Alex?” The man Alex remembered to be Anthony said.

Alex smiled as Lin responded for him. “He’s no kid today. Today he’s a writer helping with our last minute rewrites.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve read some of your stuff! Really good dude.” Alex blushed and gave Lin a confused look.

“Okay, so I may have passed around your school paper once or twice,” Lin admitted with a wide grin. Then, he quickly transitioned into announcing, “Alright, places everyone! This is our last day! Javi, you’re stepping in for me. I have to watch today and do the last rewrites.”

The cast nodded and took their places on the metal set that had been built since the last time he came to the theatre. The opening chords came on, and Alex watched as a masterpiece unfolded before him.

The rehearsal was a lot of stop and go. He helped out here and there, but he wasn’t really of much use until the final monologue.

“Number five,” the cast sang.

“I start to shake when I realize we are in the same spot my son died, is that why-” Javier sang in his monologue.

“Number six.”

“Stop!” Lin called out. Then, to his writers, said, “This next line, it’s no good. We need something else. His son’s death really hit him hard. He was innocent and Adams didn’t understand why it happened. He was a big believer in cause and effect. They used the same gun. I want to get that in there somewhere.”

The writers took a moment, and even Alex began to think of ideas. He thought of how innocent John was when he died. He must have been so scared.

That’s when it came to him. John Adam’s son, Charles, could be paralleled to his John in so many ways. He wrote the line down for Lin to see.

“This is it,” Lin immediately said.

“If it’s not good, I don’t want you to think you have to-” Alex tried to cut in.

“No, I’m not kidding this is perfect.” Then, he gave the line to Javi who smiled when he read the words. The cast started the song over.

“Number six.”

Javi drew in a breath and sang, “I examine the gun that we shared, Charles never hurt a soul, he must have been so scared.” The writers looked at one another in astonishment. It was good, really good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is definitely happier than the last one!! Drop a comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> Also- PLEASE come talk to me on my tumblr! Helplessandnotsatisfied :) I'm taking requests on there all the time for short stories!
> 
> xoxo   
> -Emily


	14. Opening Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll always love you."

Finally, they were here. It was the opening night of the show and Lin and Alex couldn’t contain their excitement. The show Lin had been working on for years was finally coming to light, and Alex felt like he was finally part of something important. Nothing could ruin this day.

“Here are your tickets,” Lin said to Alex that morning, presenting him with the envelope. There were two on the inside, one for Alex himself and one for Eliza. Alex barely looked up from the computer. Yes, he was excited for tonight, but he was falling behind on his work for school because of all the time he had spent at the theatre the past few days. 

“Thanks,” Alex mumbled, his eyes wandering around his computer. 

Lin frowned; he knew that when Alex spent too much time on his work, he became antsy and distracted for the rest of the day. He couldn’t be like that today; it would change the whole attitude of the day for him.

With a swift motion, Lin made a quick decision to close Alex’s laptop. Alex’s head snapped up and he said, “Dad!” 

“We’re going to do something fun, okay? Besides, the documents on your computer auto-save, so I know you didn’t lose anything, kiddo,” Lin said with a smirk on his face.

“Okay,” Alex grumbled, trying to take the edge out his voice.

“Grab your coat, let’s go.”

~

“We’re riding the subway,” Lin said to Alex as they rode the elevator down and then strolled onto the street.

“Why?” Alex asked. They didn’t ride the subway together very often, but Lin knew that being in a taxicab today might bring Alex back to events that he would rather forget. Besides, he liked the subway better anyway.

“I have a story to tell you,” Lin responded simply. Alex was confused, but he followed Lin anyway, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head down to repel the cold.

Silently, they sat down on the subway bench and Alex watched as the people filed in, waiting for Lin to tell his story.

“Did I ever tell you about how I wrote Wait for It?” 

“No…” Alex trailed.

“I was on a subway train, just like this one, on my way to a friend’s birthday party. It was a pretty long train ride, so I was daydreaming with my headphones in, right? That’s when it came to me- death doesn’t discrminate- you know the one. I went into the party, and said ‘happy birthday but I gotta go’ and left.” As he told the story, Lin chuckled to himself, thinking of the past.

“Cool,” Alex said, still confused.

“Here’s what I’m trying to say, Alex.” Lin looked the boy straight in the eye; he really wanted to get this message across. “Sometimes you have to say no to your friends to say yes to your work. But, other times, you need to wait for inspiration to strike and you need a friend’s birthday party to give it a chance.”

“I don’t understand,” Alex replied, his eyebrows knitted together.

“You’ve been working too hard, Alex. You haven’t hung out with your friends in way too long. When you asked for a ticket for Eliza, it was the first time I had heard her name in weeks. Hercules texted me just last week to ask when he could see you again.”

“It’s been hard,” Alex whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. “Every time I see them, the only thing I can think of is him.”

Lin placed his hand on Alex’s thigh. “I know, mijo.” He then paused before saying, “But John would have wanted you to be happy. He would have wanted you to move on.”

Alex swallowed hard. Deep down, he knew what Lin was saying was true. He had been telling himself the same thing for a long time, but hearing out loud made it a little more real. However, there was one more thing he needed to get off of his chest. “He was always jealous of Eliza. If I were to, well, you know, would that be wrong?”

“John loved you more than anything. Whatever makes you happy would have made him happy. He wouldn’t want you to be alone. You should do what you think is good for you for once in your life, Alex.”

Alex tried to process what he said. “Thanks, Dad.” 

“You’ll love him forever, but that’s no excuse to live without love.”

~

Alex’s eyes widened at the sign for the store they were walking into. It was a fancy suit shop in the middle of the fashion district. All he could think was, ‘what on earth are we doing here?’  
Seeing the confusion on Alex’s face, Lin said to him, “For your red carpet look tonight.”

“There’s a red carpet?” Alex asked with wild eyes. He had never had his picture taken like that before.

“A small one, yes,” Lin smiled. “But even if there wasn’t, you’ve gotta impress your girl.” Lin gave him a little nudge on the shoulder.

Alex laughed. He was right; Eliza was sure to look gorgeous so he needed to look good as well.  
Lin and Alex started fingering through the suits. Without thinking, Alex decided to flip over a price tag. There were way too many zeros for his liking.

“You should try that one on,” Lin mentioned, pointing to the one Alex had been looking at.

“No, no this is way too much,” Alex shook his head.

“Alex, I’m your Dad. I’m choosing to buy you this. You should be the one asking me for things, not me trying to get you to let me buy you things. Let me do this, okay?”

Lin was so good with words. Everything he said was convincing, and Alex couldn’t help but believe him and take his advice on the daily. Alex gave him a small nod.

“He’ll try this one on,” Lin said to the man working there. “I’ll try this one as well.” He handed him a slightly larger suit. It seemed he was going for a simple blue and black look, while Alex’s had red around the edges.

When Alex stepped in front of the three mirrors, he was pleasantly surprised at what he saw. He looked like someone who hadn’t spent the past two months holed up in his room on his computer. This suit had a bit of flare and it wasn’t plain black like all of the others he had previously owned.

The suit that hung in his closet housed too many bad memories, too many funerals. Even now, staring at himself in this new suit, Alex couldn’t help but tear up. For once in his life, a suit would be related to something good in his life. This time, Alex could remember what John looked like in a suit. In fact, it was something he would never forget.

“You like it?” Lin asked, snapping him out of it.

“More than anything.”

“It’s yours,” Lin replied. They were about to have one hell of a night.

~

“Well don’t you two look nice,” Vanessa gushed. It took Lin and Alex awhile to get home through all of the New York City traffic, but once they did, it was almost time to go to the show. They quickly changed into their suits and went into the kitchen where Vanessa was waiting in her beautiful gown.

“Thanks,” Alex blushed.

“Thanks, hon,” Lin replied, placing a kiss on her cheek. “You, my darling, look absolutely gorgeous.” He took Vanessa’s hand and twirled her around, showing off her dress.

Alex watched them with a small smile on his face. Lin was always so romantic; Alex only hoped that he could sweep a girl or guy off their feet like that one day.

“Will Eliza be here soon?” Vanessa asked.

“Yeah, she should be on her way,” Alex responded nervously, checking his phone again for a text from Eliza. She had said she left her apartment over fifteen minutes ago. He couldn’t wait until she got there, beause every passing second seemed like eternity.

“Don’t be nervous honey!” Vanessa exclaimed, seeing the look on his face. “She’ll love the show.”

“Oh, I’m confident that he’ll like the show. Everyone likes the show,” Alex replied with a shrug. “How could they not?”

“Then what’s got you so nervous?” Vanessa asked. Alex blushed and looked at his feet. Vanessa looked to Lin, who just smiled and tried not to laugh. Alex knew that if he told Vanessa he liked Eliza, she would gush all over their relationship that Alex wasn’t even sure about in the first place. 

Then, putting the pieces together, Vanessa said, “Is this a date?”

“Not officially,” Lin interjected, knowing that Alex wouldn’t know what to say. “We’ll see how it goes. Be discreet.”

“I’ll do my best,” Vanessa replied with a large grin on her face. As if like clock work, there was a knock on the door that was sure to be Eliza. Lin went to open it and Alex smoothed down his suit and hair. Suddenly, everything he was wearing felt wrong. She would think it was too fancy, she would think he was pretentious-

Then Eliza stepped through the door and the world stopped spinning. She was gorgeous. He had never seen her like that before. It was if she shining and her eyes were screaming words of love. Her smile was radiant and her mesmerizing eyes captivated him. It wasn’t the dress or the makeup: it was Eliza.

Eliza waited for Alex to say something, but he didn’t. His mouth just parted slightly and he continued to stare at her. He looked amazing, to say the least. He looked professional and happier than she had seen him in months.

“Hi, Alex,” she finally said, breaking the silence.

Still, Alex stood there, gaping at the girl in front of him. Lin nudged him forward. “Eliza, you look amazing.”

“Thank you,” she said sweetly.

Lin clapped his hands together. “Alright, well let’s get this show on the road! I’ve got two town cars waiting downstairs for us as a special surprise.”

“It’s like we’re famous,” Eliza giggled. Alex smiled at seeing Eliza so happy. He couldn’t wait for her to see the show.

~

Before the show, they got the full red carpet treatment. They showed up in their town cars and walked onto the carpet where photographers were waiting to take pictures of the family and the rest of the cast. Alex felt so exposed, but with Eliza standing next to him, he wasn’t as nervous.

Finally, they were able to break away, and Eliza felt Alex’s hand slipping into hers as they made their way to their seats. Lin was already backstage, getting in costume and doing warmups with cast before the show. 

Alex’s hand started to shake; suddenly he was becoming so nervous. More than anything he wanted the show to go well. If Lin were successful, he would feel successful being part of something he had helped create. He didn’t want his first professional gig to be failure, but at the same time he didn’t know how it could be.

Eliza, with her hand still around Alex’s, squeezed it tighter hoping to relieve his nerves. As the lights dimmed, she smiled at him and his heart began to melt. Somehow, she relieved all of his tension.

~

When the final chords of ‘Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story’ struck, the whole audience immediately jumped to their feet. The show was a hit and so was Lin. Eliza and Vanessa both had tears in their eyes, but Alex was hollering and couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face.

Lin received the grandest round of applause out of any of the cast members. Because it was their opening night, he took the mic to say a few words.

“Hello, hello, hello!” Lin exclaimed with a very clear sparkle in his eyes. “Thank you so much for coming! I hope you enjoyed the show. I just wanted to say a few thank yous before we all head out to the party. To Alex, Tommy, and Andy- the most fantastic revolutionary crew anyone has ever seen. To my beautiful wife Vanessa who has supported me every step of the way. To this amazing cast who has made my vision come to life in ways I could have never imagined. And finally, to my son Alex who inspires me every day. I’m so glad you’re a part of our family. Okay, now go party everyone!”

Alex was so happy. He didn’t think it was possible to be as happy as he was. Nothing could make this night any better than it was. The show was a success, Eliza was by his side, and he had loving parents. Who could ask for more?

Vanessa, Alex, and Eliza went outside and waited by the stage door for Lin to come outside. Vanessa was smiling from ear to ear with a bit of mascara under her eyes from act two. Eliza had a very similar look; one of the only differences being Eliza had her hand wrapped around Alex’s.

When Lin came out of the door, he was sort of out a breath and had a huge smile on his face as well. He immediately hugged Vanessa and they stayed there for moment, knowing that their lives had changed forever. 

Seeing the love that the two had, Alex took his hand out of Eliza’s and wrapped it around her waist instead.

“Alex!” Lin basically screamed as if noticing him for the first time. “I have a surprise for you, can we step into the theatre?”

Alex nodded, but silently he thought, a surprise for me? It didn’t make any sense; they should have had a surprise for Lin! He was the one that did all the work.

The theatre was basically empty at that point, as everyone was on their way to the party. Lin ran down the aisle like a little kid and hopped up onto the stage with a spring in his step. Eliza, Alex, and Vanessa followed him, laughing with him at his childlike glee.

“What are you doing?” Alex laughed when they reached the edge of the stage.

“Come up here!” Lin exclaimed. Eliza looked at both Alex and Vanessa with confusion, to which they both had no answer. That is, until Alex turned away and Vanessa gave her a knowing smile.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked again.

“Well, Alex, Vanessa and I have something very important to ask you on this very special night. I hope you don’t mind- we invited a few people. Come on out guys!” Suddenly, the cast appeared on stage, as well as Laf, Herc, Angelica and Peggy. Clearly, Eliza wasn’t clued into the surprise and Alex was more confused than ever.

“We know life has been difficult for you, but we’re hoping to make life a little bit easier and give you a little bit of security. We wanted everyone you loved to be here when we asked,” Vanessa added. It was almost as if they had rehearsed it. 

“What do you want to ask?” Alex questioned, still incredibly confused.

“Alex, we want to be your parents. How would you feel about us adopting you?” Lin asked, smiling even wider than before. Then, Anthony walked over and handed him the papers. 

Alex drew in a breath. He couldn’t believe it. “Really?” He asked. He felt like he was dreaming.  
“All you have to do is sign,” Lin replied, handing the pen to him.

“Yes! Yes!” Alex quickly scrawled his name on the bottom line and then dropped the papers in an instant, pulling Vanessa and Lin into a hug out of pure excitement and happiness.

Everyone around them cheered. Laf and Herc even teared up a little bit. Eliza walked over to her sisters and asked them, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Please, you can’t keep a secret,” Peggy replied with a small laugh.

“That’s true,” Eliza smiled. 

“How did tonight go?” Angelica asked, squeezing her hands. “You look gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Eliza responded sheepishly. “Everything was amazing. It couldn’t have been better.”

Without warning, Alex came up to Eliza and spun her around, completely full of glee. 

“Alexander,” Eliza laughed.

He set her down and held her hands, looking into her eyes with hope and wonder. “You’re worth it,” he whispered.

Then, he kissed her. It was the perfect ending to the perfect night.

~

The next morning, Alex woke up with a smile on his face as well as a longing to do something that he felt was needed, especially now.

Lin and Vanessa were still sleeping after the long night they had, so he wrote them a note and put in on the counter to let them know where he was going. 

When he went outside, he was pleasantly surprise at the warm breeze that blew through the air. Still, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and stuck his headphones in his ears. Warm in New York City in March meant fifty degrees, and to Alex, that was still pretty cold.

Alex’s destination wasn’t all that far away, but the walk gave him time to think of something to say. There was so much he wanted to let out, but he wasn’t always good with his feelings.

Nevertheless, he reached the exact place he needed to be. As he stood in front of John Lauren’s grave, he pulled out his ear buds and knelt down.

“Hey John, this feels sort of weird, but I’m just going to pretend I’m talking to you, okay?” He paused for a moment. “I don’t know exactly why I came here, but I woke up this morning and I knew I needed to talk to you.”

Suddenly, Alex felt a wave of guilt wash over him. “John, I’ve gotta tell you something and you know, I used to tell you everything.”

“Life is hard without you. I miss you everyday. I still love you, John. I’ll love you forever.” He smiled, thinking of John’s freckles and curly, brown hair. “I’ve got a new family, John. The Mirandas adopted me last night. I really can’t believe it.”

The night before had been a whirlwind of emotion that Alex hoped would never end. He spent the night with Eliza pressed up against him and parents who were legally now his. For once, his life wasn’t a nightmare, it was a dream and he didn’t want to wake up.

He sighed. “But John, I can’t live my life without having someone to love. I can’t cry over you forever. I miss you more than anything, but I can’t do this John. I want to be with Eliza, but I want you to be okay with it first. Send me a sign. Something, anything, please.”

He waited for a moment, shutting his eyes and praying for something from John. As it was, John never failed him. His phone rang with Eliza’s name displayed prominently on the screen. This was his sign.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I’ll always love you.”

FIN

PART TWO: ‘FOREVER’ COMING SOON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are! The end! I'm starting my senior year, and this story was begging for an end. I hope you all have enjoyed reading 'Remember Me' because I've certainly enjoyed reading your comments.
> 
> I plan on writing a sequel that follows Alex and Eliza in college and their twenties. When I post the first chapter, I'll update this one so you all know!
> 
> For the final time on 'Remember Me',
> 
> xoxo  
> -Emily
> 
> P.S. I hope that you noticed some parallels to the first chapter. If your interested, go back and look!


	15. It's Here

Forever is here! Go check it out!

(I obviously couldn't stay away for very long)

**Author's Note:**

> I do not think foster kids are in anyway screwed up- Alex's thoughts, not mine.
> 
> come chat with me on tumblr! helplessandnotsatisfied


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